As Duke students clamored for last-minute tickets to the Final Four, an unfortunate miscommunication between the athletics department and Blue Devil fans left many facing the disappointment of a lifetime.
Students who participated in a special second lottery for the chance to win free tickets to the NCAA National Championship game in San Antonio instead received the chance to purchase tickets to Six Flaggs Fiesta Texas at a 10% discounted group rate.
“Yeah, that’s on us,” Athletics Director Gina Queen said. “Probably should’ve stopped to ask why everyone was so excited for overpriced churros instead of tickets to the historic basketball game happening at the same time.”
Students who had been looking forward to seeing high-flying hoopers like Koopa Banner and Con Nippel were devastated when they received the news, though many were not entirely surprised.
“This is pretty par for the course for admin nowadays,” junior Dee EssGee said. “After what they did to Panda, nothing really surprises me anymore. I’m just thankful they didn’t get us tickets to the one in Connecticut instead.”
For those who had already booked their flights in anticipation, the revelation was especially upsetting. Some had reportedly chartered nonrefundable planes and would now be forced to spend a weekend in San Antonio without basketball tickets.
“I mean, I guess it’s fine” sophomore Ain-Sainley Richface said. “We’ll just drive to the beach, I guess. I can’t be that far.” Immediately after the words left her mouth, a miniature version of Charless Barckles appeared on her shoulder like a guardian angel to warn her that the nearest beach was Galveston, Texas, successfully saving her from that terrible fate.
Duke athletics apologized for the mix-up and pledged to do better going forward.
“Next time this happens, we promise it’ll at least be a good one,” head coach John Shire said. “Have you guys ever been to Chapel Hill?”
Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh, or at least cry.
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