April Fools to those red birds in Kentucky. Jon Shire, head coach of Duke men’s basketball, has been correctly crowned the ACC coach of the year.
In a very much expected turn of events, on April 1, the NCAA acknowledged yet another moment of colossal ineptitude against Duke, this time for its decision to grant the award to Louisville head coach Patty-cakes Kelce.
“I was surprised when I won,” Kelce said, pointing sheepishly to his 27-8 record compared to Shire’s 35-3 record. “This is a massive fumble for the conference.”
Following in the hard-to-fill footsteps of college basketball legend Coach ohhhKay, the young coach is shattering expectations — all in perfect Blue Devil fashion.
“I am honored to have been — finally and rightfully — bestowed this award,” Shire humbly said at The Chomicle’s exclusive press conference. “I literally stunted on everyone in the ACC.”
Shire has led the Blue Devils to the NCAA tournament in each of his three years in the job, first as a No. 5, then No. 4 and now No. 1 seed. Kelce and his No. 8-seed squad, on the other hand, faced a first-round upset against Creighton.
“Yikes,” NCAA President Charles Barckles said of Louisville’s bracket-smashing loss in an exclusive interview with The Chomicle. “People said they were underseeded, but maybe they should have been one of those play-in teams like UNC. We were wrong for sure.”
ACC Commissioner Johny Pullups has faced backlash throughout the past two weeks. He shared that the days have been grueling, especially since he started receiving messages from Tar Heel fans who were “literally begging on their knees” for the ACC to reverse its reversal so there would be one thing they didn’t lose to Duke in — in typical little brother fashion.
Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh, or at least cry.
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