Editor's note: The article below is satire.
Deadline just broke the news that Durham will host a new romantic comedy following a messy love triangle of three Duke students. What they failed to mention was that the cast will not only include a star basketball player because, duh, but I will also be making my Hollywood debut as the center of the triangle.
“Midnight in K-Ville” will begin production at Duke this spring. Some anticipated shooting locations include a Bassett dorm room with a too-small twin mattress and that one unused classroom in the Social Sciences building. Action scenes are expected to include a steamy car encounter in Blue Zone and a trained squirrel attack outside the coffee shop, Bella Union. Over the winter, the other two leads and I will shoot scenes in places like Krzyzewskiville tents and locations that fulfill Duke’s Unofficial Graduation Requirements.
Few plot details have been shared, but Netflix revealed that the romance begins with an O-week hookup between an orientation leader and my character, a freshman. The situationship grows messier when they turn out to be both the freshman’s TA and RA - a triple threat to the leader’s employment if discovered with a student.
When the orientation leader could only bump the freshman’s Chem 101 grade from 40% to 55%, they split, vowing to never make eye contact during the lab discussion or room checks for the rest of the semester.
The love triangle develops after a basketball player starts to like the freshman, making the orientation leader jealous and gain interest again. So toxic, I know. However, Netflix is just trying to capture the authentic social culture of Duke, so I welcomed the realism and even suggested adding a scene where a student seduces their econ professor to get a better grade.
The orientation leader invited the freshman to spend the night in his K-Ville tent the week after he gained interest again. However, their best friend confronted the freshman about the noise the following day since, like most, the freshman forgot how thin the tent’s material was. Now, they must decide between dating the orientation leader or switching to the basketball star.
The University’s President released a statement on the film, “As part of our commitment to show genuine community authenticity at Duke, Netflix has promised to cast their supporting roles to legacy students. They are particularly excited to work with the famed Cameron Crazies but have reservations about including the student Line Monitors in the film after they heard us refer to them as ‘being like theater kids but without the talent.’”
Netflix rejected the Line Monitors’ demands for producer credits, laughing that ‘they can’t even control the student section’s cheers!’ Instead, Netflix will cast the Line Monitor roles through an open casting, with preference given to students described by peers as ‘universally disliked.’
Netflix is also holding an open casting call for extras in “Midnight in K-Ville,” but it comes with a catch: Duke plans to charge the extras who aren’t already involved in theater a participation fee, as being credited in the film could boost their resume by “diversifying their interests.”
If successful, Netflix plans to expand the DCU, Duke Cinematic Universe, to incorporate realistic movies about the struggles of students switching from pre-med to English, as well as dabble in fantasy where the buses magically come on time. There is even talk about a new show, “Keeping up with the K’s,” depending on how much traction “Midnight in K-Ville” gains.
Following the “Midnight in K-Ville” announcement, UNC has reportedly been in contact with Starz to create their own romantic comedy, “Franklin Street: Freaks in the Sheets.” The creators also clarified that “Midnight in K-Ville” was meant to be released in 2026, but filming for the Duke Chapel scene was delayed due to the year-long wedding waitlist.
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