I’ve been called codependent more times than I care to admit. I’m not one to walk to class, go to the library, or grab dinner by myself. If I can have a friend with me, why wouldn’t I? When I’m with someone, they occupy my mind and time. I forget everything swirling in my head — the doubts, worries, self-consciousness. When I’m alone, I’m forced to sit with my anxious mind, and that’s not always the most comfortable place to be.
Yet, I’ve come to realize that breaking out of my comfort zone and doing things alone isn’t just a nice skill to have — it’s necessary. And that independence is something I’ve been slowly learning to embrace.
Sometimes, all it takes is spending a quiet afternoon by yourself to experience how beautiful solitude can be, especially when you’re open to it. I discovered this during fall break, when I found myself alone in Washington, D.C., thanks to a visa appointment for my upcoming study abroad in Spain. Stranded — no friends to walk with, talk with, eat with — I was forced to face the city alone.
Now, let me be real with you — I didn’t see this as an exciting opportunity for solo exploration. I saw it as a chance to get kidnapped, robbed, or worse. After growing up in Buenos Aires, I was well versed in the essentials: Don’t have your phone out or wear headphones while on the street, and always keep your eyes peeled. Although, the first proved impossible when I needed Google Maps to reach my destination.
I was on high alert, more focused on surviving the day than on soaking in the beauty of D.C. But despite my initial anxiety, that day forced me to rely on myself in ways I hadn’t before.
I visited the Holocaust Museum and the International Spy Museum, navigating the city and making decisions without anyone to guide me. I had to adapt during my appointment the next morning when the Spanish university put the wrong date on my acceptance letter. Through tears, I managed to call Duke and correct the issue.
It wasn’t the adventure I’d imagined, but it was real-world problem-solving. Whether finding my way around or handling an unexpected obstacle, I did it all without my family or friends there to guide me.
Here’s the thing about independence: It’s not an inherent trait. You don’t wake up one day magically confident and self-sufficient. It’s something you build, little by little, by intentionally putting yourself in situations where you have no choice but to rely on yourself.
Society loves to tell us, especially women, that we should be afraid of doing things alone. We’re taught that the world is dangerous and that wandering alone invites trouble. And yes, there are precautions we should take — trusting your gut (sometimes walking just doesn’t feel right) and hiding your phone. But solitude doesn’t have to be synonymous with fear.
The beauty of venturing solo is that it forces you to confront uncertainty head-on and trust your instincts. You learn to make decisions without a safety net. I felt safer Ubering around the city and ordering takeout to my Airbnb. But there’s no shame in that — baby steps matter. Acknowledge the little milestones, because without them we’d get nowhere. And who knows, maybe next time I’ll feel brave enough to walk around and eat out.
Embracing solo adventures has helped me rewrite that narrative of fear. It’s given me a sense of autonomy and power that’s hard to describe until you’ve experienced it. I’ve realized that independence isn’t just about surviving. It’s about thriving in situations where you once felt small, incapable of overcoming the obstacles that inevitably come with them. It’s about proving to yourself that you can make decisions, solve problems, and enjoy life on your own (non-anxious) terms.
Not everyone wants to do things alone, though. Some people thrive in groups, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, I think we’ve internalized this expectation that everything — whether it’s a fun outing or a big life event — should be experienced with others. The fear of being alone in public, of doing things without a friend, can be petrifying. But there’s a difference between being alone and feeling lonely, and it's the fear of the second that limits us.
It’s easy to think that dining alone or visiting a museum solo invites judgment, but the truth is, that most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to notice. The world is full of people doing things on their own, and there's strength in showing up for yourself — no audience required.
We often think that company is what makes an experience worthwhile, but what if the real value comes from doing things because we enjoy them, rather than the people we share them with? We should choose company because we want it, not because we need it to legitimize our adventures. Human connection is important, but even more so is your connection with yourself.
When you do things by yourself — even if it’s as simple as taking a train ride alone (shoutout to Amtrak) — you learn how to face the world with confidence. You gain a deeper sense of self-reliance and learn to trust yourself. The more you push yourself to get out there the more you’ll enjoy alone time. After all, we should be looking forward to life after college, not dreading it.
Push against the internalized belief that everything has to be a group activity by doing something for yourself, by yourself. It may be hard to do and uncomfortable as hell. But it’s worth it. Not because it’ll “change your life,” but because it’ll change the way you see yourself and those around you.
You don’t even have to go far: Exploring Downtown Durham or sitting in a coffee shop can be just as meaningful as taking the train to NYC or flying to Europe. Even sitting on the quad, soaking in the sun and doing your own thing counts. It’s through these small steps that you’ll realize just how much life there is to explore — solo.
Valentina Garbelotto is a Trinity junior. Her column, “Dear comfort zone: It’s not me, it’s you. Time to break up…”, typically runs on alternate Thursdays.
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