The most frightful time of the year is upon us, and everyone is feeling the Spooky Season chills. With the construction on West setting the mood (and the scent), Housing and Residence Life is upping its programming this year with a swath of Halloween-related festivities.
In the spirit of the medieval aesthetic of Duke, RAs have finally been granted battering rams to knock down doors of residents who are being deemed overly rowdy and “disrupting the great peace of the halls of academia,” according to a memo published by HRL.
As dorms switch to Quad Access Only at midnight, RAs will patrol the turrets of West in knight costumes and rain arrows down upon freshmen who missed the last C1. On-call phones have been disabled. Instead, students seeking late-night assistance must seance with their RA-on-call through an intricate ritual of meditation and battery-powered tea lights (remember: open flames are not allowed in dorms).
Those unlucky enough to be locked out of their dorms this Halloweekend were met with an unpleasant surprise. The Dean on Call was spotted crouching on the McClendon Tower bridge, halting all who passed.
“If to your dorm you’d like the key, you must first answer these riddles three!” cackled the Dean when approached. Students who refused to indulge the troll were tossed off of the bridge to the abyss of Keohane below. In an email to Monday Monday, HRL explained that this was actually not part of any Halloween special event and rather just implementation of their new customer service optimizations. The email also confirmed that the McClendon Tower elevator was purposefully shut off to terrify students into getting off their asses to go down a flight of stairs.
HRL is also sponsoring a seance on the steps of the Chapel to communicate with the ghost of Washington Duke. They warn students of color to caution attendance, lest they spook the University’s namesake into a tirade on how the South deserved to win the Civil War.
Halloween comes to a close with the HRL-sponsored costume competition on Halloween night. If you’re still looking for a last-minute fit, don’t worry: Monday Monday has got you covered. Check out these eight easy costumes sure to wow the deans:
1) Duke President and His $2 Million Dollar Salary
What you'll need:
- Be white
- Be old
- Optional: Tiny, seductive tortoise-print glasses
Speaks for itself.
2) SNU Brother and Daddy's Credit Card
What you'll need:
- Khaki shorts
- Polo
- Monopoly money
Give this costume a level up by using real Benjamins in place of fake money!
3) Barbie and Ken
What you'll need:
- Anything pink you can find in your closet. We won’t judge; this costume can’t get any lazier.
- Optional: Lingerie
4) Abele Quad and Construction
What you'll need:
- Abele Quad — Green morph suit, roll around in the dirt
- B.O.
- A hard hat
5) A Double-Jointed C1
What you'll need:
- Cardboard box
- Paint
- 20 of your friends to stack on top of you
Challenge mode: Abruptly stop every five feet to mimic the Campus Drive class change experience.
6) Pratt Star and Mech-E Final Project
What you'll need:
- To not shower for two weeks
The spookiest part — even they don't know what they're building.
7) Two Tents in K-Ville
What you'll need:
- See Pratt Star
8) Duke Parking and Transportation Agent and His Illegally Parked Vehicle
What you'll need:
- The unmitigated gall
We saved the scariest for last.
Monday Monday spent the weekend drinking through the cocktail menu at the Gothic Grill with unintended consequences.
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