We don't wait in enough lines at Duke

As Duke students, we do not wait in enough lines.

We Duke students camp out for months to get into North Carolina basketball games, and wait in walk-up lines for hours or days to watch other ACC teams that used to be good, and stand outside for hours to maybe get tickets to the Final Four game New Orleans without a guarantee of transportation or housing, and sit in the pits of the Engineering Quad for E-Ball tickets because the damn ticket website crashed, and stand in line at the Brodhead Center for half an hour at 1:15 p.m. because we never learn our lesson and mobile order lunch before the afternoon rush, and wait in the freezing cold outside of Shooters only to realize you forgot your ID in your dorm and your phone is dead—I’ll be honest, I think that’s just me—and stand in line at the mail center for 30 minutes because you stress-shopped instead of studying. 

I simply enjoy going through such a stressful, time-consuming process to gain access to an event that when I finally get to the event, I’m too tired and deflated to be there. I am prepared to turn all my small, meaningful experiences at Duke, like getting coffee with my friends in the morning, into competitions. I do not believe that anything should be fun, ever. 

If you want to argue this nuanced, never-been-done-before perspective—you know, the way everyone at Duke views their takes on things—I’ll be tenting outside of Beyu Blue for my six dollar coffee in the morning. And you’ll have to wait in line to talk to me.

Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back.