Diverse frat boasts multiple variants of COVID-19

The Phi Omicron Omicron fraternity has listened to calls by students to diversify their makeup, and they have exceeded everyone’s expectations.

In a statement  to The Chomicle, Phi Omicron Omicron proudly boasted that the fraternity had representatives from five different strains of COVID-19.

“We are proud of Phi Omicron Omicron’s efforts and hope this move will make our organization more representative of the diverse corona strains in this world,” the president of the fraternity explained.

After being inspired by Sigma Apple Pie’s diversity of New York boroughs, Phi Omicron Omicron went out of their way to make their fraternity a safe space for the New York, South Africa, Brazil, U.K. and California strains of COVID-19. The frat gave its members the five different strains this past weekend at a 50-person rush event that definitely didn’t happen. 

Senior Aaron Fauci, president of Duke’s chapter of Sugma Nuts, told The Chomicle he was hoping his fraternity would be able to undertake a similar initiative. He proposed eating at Pitchfork’s at 10:01 p.m. and putting two people on one of the swinging benches on the Bryan Center Plaza as the most effective ways of introducing new strains around his fraternity.

“Being a part of Durham Outerfraternity Council has changed my life,” Fauci said. “Now, my lungs work at a diminished capacity and I have three different sets of COVID-19 antibodies.”

Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back.