'Eighth Grade' moments at Duke

This weekend, I attended a screening held by DUU Freewater Presentations and A24 of the movie Eighth Grade. The coming-of-age film, written and directed by Bo Burnham, follows eighth grader Kayla Day as she struggles through her final week of middle school. In an age of social media and phone inseparability, Kayla shows us the challenges teenagers face today—being inundated by carefully curated posts on Instagram, the pressure to be “cool,” not knowing how to interact with the opposite sex—all played out in a way that’s cringingly realistic. When people say middle school sucks, this movie explains why.

It was refreshing to see on screen all those uncomfortable moments that no one talks about but everyone relates to. I also found it so relatable because, while I went through most of those experiences in middle school, I have also continued to experience them at Duke. As I reflect on all the awkwardness of my college years, I’ve come to the a realization that the themes in Eighth Grade are still present in my current life:

Social media. In the movie, Kayla is always glued to her phone, scrolling through Instagram during dinner with her dad, in the car, before bed. I was surprised to see that there wasn’t much difference between her feed and mine. While Kayla’s phone showed filtered selfies or groups of friends at the mall, mine shows the college parallel of “candid” pictures of people hanging out at exclusive frat parties. Regardless of generation, people use social media to project a highly refined version of themselves to impress their digital audience. My Instagram is also filled with pictures of beautiful celebrities and people living picturesque lives. Even though I know that the pictures people to choose the post are not representative of their real lives, it’s hard to dissociate the two. The abundance of contrived pictures creates a pressure to appear a certain way. 

Sharing advice that I’m unqualified to give. Kayla makes YouTube videos where she talks about “being herself” and “putting herself out there,” even though her actions contradict her own advice. Am I any different? I always tell my friends to put themselves first and to stand up for what they think is right, even though I sometimes put my needs second and let others walk over me. I write columns about pursuing your passion and staying true to yourself, but then I get pulled into the obsession of pursuing careers that attract me only because of their status and prestige. I, like Kayla, sometimes feel the need to give advice that I can’t even follow in my own life.  

My idealistic future self. Kayla plays a time capsule video she made at the end of elementary school to her eighth grade self, whom she asks about boys, how she’s loving middle school, and what all her friends are like. We’ll always have an image in our minds of the version of ourselves we hope to be in the future. When I was in high school, I, like Kayla, saw the next stage of my academic journey as an opportunity to shed my past identity and be who I want to be (although who that person is, I didn’t and still don’t know). I thought I was going to be studying applied physics (I’m laughing as I write that), dating someone, earning a perfect GPA and partying every weekend.

It’s my third year at Duke. None of those things have happened, although some are for the better. I’m still awkward around boys I like, I still feel like I don’t fit in sometimes, and I still feel a painfully present social hierarchy on campus. To be clear, I’m not saying that college is just like middle school. College for me has been indubitably better. At Duke, I’m surrounded by people who inspire me and support me. I have the opportunity and the freedom to explore what interests me. My point, rather, is to just be real. We all have those cringy, uncomfortable moments in life that make us human, so why pretend otherwise? We all have a bit of Kayla Day in us, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Alicia Sun is a Trinity junior. Her column runs on alternate Wednesdays.

Correction: This story was updated Sunday evening to reflect that A24 co-hosted the movie screening with DUU's Freewater Presentations. The Chronicle regrets the error.