Catching memories

Today, my dad asked me if I remember how I felt exactly two years ago, during my first week of my freshman year.  

I do. I remember that I was a nervous wreck, clutching a piece of paper on which I had scrawled the times and locations of my classes, that I was wearing a floral skirt and a white top that was a little too big for me, that I missed the first C1 because it was too crowded, and that I ate a bowl of miso ramen from Ginger and Soy for lunch.  

I remember all this because I wrote a journal entry about it, just like I have been doing for all the significant moments in my life for the past seven years. School dances, debate tournaments, girl drama, boy drama—all of the highs and lows. This written record of the events that add meaning to my life allows me to revisit buried memories, relish in lost emotion and recapture those fleeting moments that I always seem to be chasing. 

When I first started (consistently) journaling, it was solely cathartic. I needed to get my thoughts on paper.  But looking back, I realize that my recorded memories are more than cemented thoughts. They are snippets of the past that I am able to revisit, the most hitherto transformative years of my life. I have begun to realize that I often go through the motions of my day-to-day life without processing and without reflecting. Daily routines become second nature, and eventually all our days blur together. To me, there is nothing more frightening than looking back on my days and seeing a blur. My goal is to collect all the snippets I can, so that they will not go forgotten. My goal is to not only remember but to relive moments—the big, the small, the meaningful.  

At the end of the day, we as human beings are collections of experiences that become memories. What are we without our memories? They shape our perspectives, our opinions, and our personalities. They guide the decisions we make and the direction our lives take.  I think that’s why diseases of the brain like Alzheimer’s are so frightening.  We can live without an arm or a leg, but as the filmmaker Luise Bunuel put it, “life without memory is no life at all.”

I encourage you to capture and cherish your moments, both big and small. While I have entries about unforgettable times like my back tenting experience last spring sleeping in below freezing temperatures, I also have entries about a random Wednesday afternoon I spent in Perkins having deep conversation with a classmate or about bumping into a childhood friend during O-Week.  In the hustle and bustle of college life, it’s easy to prioritize pretty much anything over something “silly” like journaling. But take a minute to record and think about what is important to you. Write, photograph, sketch.  My experience is that you’ll find your emotions to be more cogent and your perspective to become more clear.  Five, ten, twenty years down the line, you can transport yourself back to the past and revel in those moments that shaped you into who you become.

As I wrap up the first week of my junior year at Duke, I will be sure to take in everything around me and put it to paper. This, along with my other entries, will just be a drop in the sea of memories I have and will continue to make.

Alicia Sun is a Trinity junior. Her column runs on alternate Wednesdays.