The time we all need

I think I speak for many of us when I say that it’s hard to find time to unwind at Duke. We spend all day in class, and between classes we’re catching up with our friends or scrambling to finish the paper that’s due in the next hour. And even when we get a second to catch our breath, with our phones in hand we’re never truly alone, just a tap away from the arguably more hectic world of social media.

In an attempt to maximize my downtime and truly unplug, for a day, I put away my phone. The first thing I became aware of was how idle I felt.  If I was by myself waiting in line for food or sitting on the C1, I felt awkward standing empty-handed. I realized just how dependent many of us are on our phones to occupy ourselves.  

To some extent, my discomfort from”phonelessness” and the general attempt to stay constantly occupied may stem largely from an inability to be alone. The other day, a girl in my class told me she “hates being alone in public.” And when I look around campus, it seems to be a common sentiment. If people aren’t with other people, they pull out their phones to stay busy, or at least to appear to be. At a place as stimulative and active as Duke, where there is also pressure to always be doing something, it’s understandable why there’s a need to look occupied. 

Although this behavior is heavily socially influenced, it also resides in our basic instincts. Humans tend to shy away from being alone, especially with just our own thoughts. In an experiment conducted by Timothy Wilson at the University of Virginia, he found that people don’t enjoy spending anywhere from six to fifteen minutes in a room by themselves with nothing to do but think. In fact, many of them preferred to electrically shock themselves instead of being left alone with their thoughts. Most people don’t like the idea of doing nothing, and would rather being doing something even if it’s unpleasant.

We don’t have to sit in a room for ten minutes everyday and ponder life, but we should be able to walk from class to class without scrolling through our phones, or be able to sit and enjoy ourselves without feeling obligated to anything or anyone. As a society, I think our first step should be to rethink our relationship with technology. Smartphones and social media have undeniably become entwined in daily life. If we fail to separate ourselves from our screens, we fail to fully exist in the moment.  An inability to be completely alone and present impedes self-awareness, emotional clarity, and the bounds of our imagination.  We soon forget how to enjoy the little things, like the bliss of getting lost in our own thoughts.  

But more importantly, we have to change the way we view solitude. Solitude should not be stigmatized as a form of weakness and vulnerability. Being comfortable with being alone does not equate to a dislike for being around people, but rather realizing that you can grow and appreciate time to yourself.Throughout my busy day, I find that it's the moments in between, where I am alone with my thoughts, that I can take in everything around me and genuinely reflect on everything that's happening around me. That time is important for defining myself, and then I can put that self out into the world.

Down time is scarce; alone time even more scarcer. Cherish it, learn from it. It’s more important than ever in a world where technology is almost inescapable, especially at a constantly moving place like Duke.  The big things in life are important - family, friends, school - but so are the in-between things.  Time is fleeting, so learn to love the time you have with yourself. 

Alicia Sun is a Trinity sophomore. Her column runs on alternate Tuesdays.