The gift of not giving

The holiday season is rolling around, which means that it is once again time for that classic tradition that wears everyone out but is still going strong as ever. I’m talking, of course, about gift-giving.

Yes, gift-giving. This time of year, millions of people will flock to stores (particularly one called “Amazon”) to purchase presents for their loved ones. They will spend hours agonizing over the perfect gift for dozens of people. In return, they will receive a polite smile and a curt “thank you” (perhaps a card, if they are lucky). And, in all probability, the gift, just like the ones of yesteryear, will be consigned to the attic or garage, never to be seen again. Yet, most everyone will tell you that all the time and effort they put into this bizarre ritual was worth it. But is it really?

There are many ways to go about critiquing the institution of gift-giving. For starters, one can approach the issue from an economist’s point of view. Joel Waldfogel is known for his “deadweight loss of Christmas” theory, which boils down to the idea that buying gifts for other people without knowing how much they will value them results in economic waste. As Waldfogel puts it, “Normally I’ll only buy myself something that costs $50 if it’s worth at least $50 to me. When I go out and spend $50 on you though, cause I don’t know what you like and what you need, I could spend $50 and buy something that would be worth nothing to you.”

However, examining the social implications of gift-giving yields far more interesting (and persuasive) results. There is the unspoken rule that one must give a gift in return when one receives one. On the surface, this seems like a fine idea—after all, it makes you even with other people. The problem, however, is that a gift is defined as “something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation.” Expecting something in return, then, violates the last part of this definition. This, in turn, transforms gift-giving into nothing more than a bartering system in which the goods being exchanged are invisible social points. Give someone a gift, and they will like you more. Don’t give a gift, and you might as well not show your face in public again.

A corollary of the aforementioned rule is that anyone who doesn’t give gifts in return must not be a very good person. Economist Avner Ben-Ner, in critiquing Waldfogel’s “deadweight loss of Christmas” theory, said, “We learn when to trust, whom to trust and who is trustworthy. So I give a gift to somebody. On the next occasion, next Christmas, next birthday, next Hanukkah, whatever the event is, they will reciprocate or not.” Yes, people do seem to have a tendency to label anyone who spurns the notion of gift-giving a Scrooge. (Ironically enough, one of Waldfogel’s books is entitled “Scroogenomics: Why You Shouldn’t Buy Gifts for the Holidays.”) This, however, is little more than name-calling and a rather wide-sweeping generalization that makes little logical sense.

“But,” you might be saying, “you’re missing the point! The whole point of gift-giving is to show that you care about people. It’s not about the gift itself, but the act of purchasing and presenting it that matters.” This idea does have its merits and is probably the only real reason for keeping the gift-giving tradition alive.

But if it truly is the thought that counts, then one should not feel pressured to like every gift that one receives. After all, it is certainly possible to appreciate the thought and still indicate that better gifts could be given. Otherwise, one’s house would soon be filled with t-shirts two sizes too large and posters of movies one will never see. Instead of telling each other little lies that benefit no one in the long run, we should take the time and make sure that the gifts we are giving will be put to use. Joel Waldfogel would be delighted if we did.

In addition, the idea that the primary way in which one can show appreciation for others is to spend one’s money on them is a bit troubling (and highly materialistic). There are much better ways of demonstrating to people that you care about them. What if, instead of buying someone a gift, you simply called them to catch up? Ask them how they are doing and find out what has been going on in their lives. Take a break from the hustle and bustle of your daily routine and spend a few moments with a living, breathing human being. Share in their highs and empathize with their lows. In short, have a real, meaningful conversation. It will mean more than any gift you could give, especially one you hurriedly bought at the last minute. Don’t have time, you say? Just take the time you would have spent finding a gift and use it to make a phone call. Still reluctant to contact someone? Well, maybe you don’t care about said person as much as you think you do.