I thought I would come out by baking a rainbow cake, taking a cute picture with it and posting it on Facebook. I anticipated lots of rainbows and excitement. I didn’t anticipate coming out because Donald Trump just won the presidency.
I remember watching the Obergefell gay marriage decision come down. It was June 26, 2015. The anniversary of Windsor and Lawrence. I remembered the date because I decided that was going to be the day I would get married. I made Pinterest boards of lesbian weddings. The announcements would read, “The Gay Agenda.” This was all before I had begun telling some of those close to me that I was lesbian. It gave me hope that it was finally safe to be queer.
In dipping my toe in the world outside the closet, I experienced some hate. I’ve had men leer at me, whistle and try to take pictures. One of my friends physically fought some of them off one time. I was raped by someone who knew I was gay last year.
But every time I faced bigoted vitriol I reminded myself that “the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.” I told myself that we were stamping out hate, that it could only get better.
I am so afraid.
I am afraid that gay marriage, which holds on by a thread of a court case, will be gone. I’m afraid of legal discrimination like HB2. I’m afraid to go on dates. I’m afraid that we just elected a rapist to be our president. I’m afraid that the gates of hate have been opened to release a flood.
I am terrified for queer youth. I’m terrified by the fact that while I grew up in one of the most liberal areas in America, I shoved down all of my feelings out of utter fear. When I was in seventh grade a rumor went around for a week that I was a lesbian. I cannot express the fear and bullying I experienced from that one week. That was before we just elected the most anti-LGBTQ+ platform in history.
I know we are all so tired right now. But now is the time to gear up and fight. We need to do our very best to hold on to our wins. I’m not ready to give up on the idea that I will be able to get married. I’m not ready to accept the kind of legal discrimination people like Pence have actively supported. I’m not ready to accept that rape victims will be denied services and basic levels of respect.
LGBTQ+ people, women, immigrants, Muslims, Jews, those with disabilities, sexual assault victims and people of color will fight because we have to, because our fundamental human rights are on the line. We will protest and stage sit-ins and file court cases. I’m begging the rest of you to do your part. I am begging white people to do some deep soul searching and think about the kind of country you have created. I am begging white women, the majority of whom supported Trump, to remember that there is no such thing as white feminism. There is just "feminism," and there is no space for you.
I’ve never been religious. I don’t think I believe in God. But I’m starting to pray. I don’t really know what else to do.
Dana Raphael is a Trinity senior. Her column, "problematic people doing problematic things," runs on alternate Mondays.
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