Recently for a class, I made an audio documentary piece titled “Being Pakistani in the United States.” I interviewed two Duke women, a freshman from Pakistan and a sophomore who is a Pakistani-American. They helped me see that, although no one story is the same, we all—at different levels—are struggling to “fit in.”
A lot of people at Duke try to fit in. We try to align ourselves with the popular narrative—or the one we, correctly or incorrectly, are convinced is the one lived by the majority. The narrative often features alcohol, parties, extroversion and involvement in a dozen extra-curricular activities. We are all trying to fit in to what we are made to believe is the mainstream trajectory and trying to counter our insecurities, particularly the one popularly known as FOMO (fear of missing out).
For international students, there are additional nuances to fitting in.
One of them is suddenly becoming aware of your “accented English.” This can feel particularly absurd to students from countries like Pakistan where English is the official language (not so much in reality for the majority of the Pakistani population, but most students who come to Duke are part of the demographic that has a strong command over the language). You’ve spoken English all your life; you communicate in it to your family and friends, and suddenly people don’t get what you’re saying? It is a bit of a disappointment.
In Pakistani circles, we often make fun of people who somehow manage to get a thick American accent after just a semester of college. But should we really be blaming them? At this point, I am tempted myself to try to fake one because every time I order a hot tea, the response I get is “What?” Because, you know, it's hawwt tea, not hot tea.
We are constantly trying to fit in with the majority, and we often feel apologetic about not being able to pronounce things “right,” but are these efforts and sentiments reciprocated? Frankly, it is kind of irritating when some people don’t even try to pronounce the name of my country correctly—or any country that is not in the developed world for that matter (it is Iraq, people, not I-rack).
As an international, you are also expected to know, and love, all things that are part of the American life. You must know all American cult movies, TV shows, etc. In today’s globalized world, it is likely that you do know at least some of them but if you don’t, then it is advised that you pretend that you do. Never say you’ve never heard of it, or there will be deafening silence, jaws will drop and a dozen people will say in unison, “WHAT?! You haven’t lived!”
Well, actually, I have. Have you seen every Bollywood movie from the 1990s? Do you know what gol gappay are? No?! Well, you haven’t lived!
Moving on to less trivial things, as an international student, you may also have concepts thrown at you that you have never come across before in your life. And you are usually expected to be aware of them and know what they mean. There are a lot of political ideas that most international students have just not encountered at home. Different socio-political environments lead to different societal emphases and different stages of development often lead to very different national discourses.
For example, race is not really an issue discussed in Pakistan in the way it is discussed here. This is not to say we do not have have many forms of systematic discrimination. We do. But they are often based on religion, castes, socio-economic status and less obviously on race (there is discrimination based on different provincial ethnicities). Once you come here, you are really experiencing, and hearing about, race in a very different way. Many people I have talked to, for example, had never heard of cultural appropriation before coming to Duke. So when international students come here, people may see their skin color and automatically assume that race is a big part of their identity, but for many, it just really hasn’t been so while they were growing up.
So sometimes it is taken for granted that you will be well-versed in these political issues, and I personally often become apologetic when I ask people to explain something that I haven’t encountered before.
This is not to say that all internationals face these problems of “fitting in” or that all domestic students have the same approach to interacting with international students. They don’t. Assuming that would be defeating the purpose of this column: learning to be conscious, and appreciative, of differences.
Although assimilating to a culture is arguably a big part of the experience of studying abroad, in order to truly build a community, especially in a place where one in every 10 students is not from the United States, the effort needs to be made both ways. We must create an environment where international students do not feel the need to be apologetic for being different, and the efforts they make to “fit in” are reciprocated through efforts to learn more, and be more mindful of, their cultures and identities.
Alena Sadiq is a Trinity sophomore. Her column runs on alternate Thursdays.
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