“Gay” kissing is weird

A couple of months ago, someone asked me, “Do you find the idea of “gay” kissing weird?” I answered with a resounding, “yes,” without even having to think too much into it, which was weird considering I have experienced my fair share of “gay” kissing…

The idea of “straight” kissing or even “straight” sex, however, doesn’t seem the slightest bit out of place in my mind. I think the cultural environment that we grow up in influences us greatly. You can turn on the TV at almost any hour past 4pm and you’ll be sure to find a fair share of raunchy sex scenes, or at the very least, casual heterosexual affection throughout the channel line-up. It’s not that I see anything wrong with Chandler and Monica from Friends getting it on in the hospital janitor’s closet, but I think many of these media norms tend to dictate what we deem as acceptable in society.

Visibility and acceptance have long shared a close connection. To see this in the different context, let’s take a look at nipples. As recently as the early 20th century, nipples of all sexes were deemed “immoral” and “evil” by the church, which translated to legislation that banned their visibility in public places. In 1935, 42 men were arrested in Atlantic City for mass toplessness, but just a year later and after various other protests, the state lifted the ban—for men at least. Finally, the man’s nipple was free at last and now, just about 80 years later, it’s hard to imagine a time when it wasn’t. Society can be quick to change, but it is also important to note that legislation is just half of any problem.

For instance, let’s take a look at the female nipple. In 1986, seven women were charged for picnicking with the lower part of their breasts showing in Rochester, NY. It wasn’t until 1992 after two of the women appealed that the state’s supreme court decriminalized it. Yet, police continued to wrongly arrest women for quite some time for public display of nipples. As recently at 2013, the NYPD had to make a command to all its officers through the daily roll call that women were in fact legally allowed to show their nipples in public. What I’m getting at is the fact that societal acceptance isn’t a situation that can be so easily remedied with appropriate legislation, but rather visibility plays an equally large role.

Just like desegregating schools didn’t end racism and women suffrage didn’t end the patriarchy, legalizing same-sex marriage won’t end homophobia. However, increasing visibility definitely helps. Just as many researchers have pointed to the fact that violent video games has normalized aggression behavior in young adults, a more thorough representation of sexual diversity has the power to enact societal change.

In the past few years alone, we’ve seen a dramatic change in LGBT visibility on mainstream television, from Modern Family to Orange is the New Black. Companies are even jumping on the inclusivity bandwagon, with ads such as Tiffany’s “Will You?” advertisement featuring two gay men or Target’s commercial featuring a pregnant lesbian couple. The Super Bowl this past weekend paralleled many of these concepts, diverting away from years of hyper sexualized ads, passed in pursuit of diversity and fuzzy animals—lots of fuzzy animals.

However, this doesn’t mean we have even come close to normalizing these issues in society. The Disney Channel just featured their first LGBT couple last year and has yet to cast an openly gay character, which is a shame considering just how much our societal perceptions are formed in the early years of our life. Meanwhile, the “Michael Sam Kiss” became one of the most unnecessary controversies of the past year. The dude kissed his boyfriend in celebration after finding out he was drafted for an NFL team. Yet, several of his “NFL colleagues,” such as Derrick Ward, tweeted ridiculous tweets like “Man U got kids looking at the draft.”

Just like the freedom of the male nipple, it’ll take some time for society to accept the beautiful diversity of our world. However, there are even things we can do on an individual level. We can embrace the discomfort that comes with meeting people with different circumstances than us and try to include diverse viewpoints when making decisions that’ll affect other people. And whatever your metaphorical “nipple,” maybe, you can proudly share it with the world.