With this being the first semester for first-year students, long distance relationships seem to be a popular topic of discussion heard frequently around East Campus. Long distance is a fact of life for many students at Duke.
Each unique couple defines for themselves the standards for “long distance relationships.” While some couples tend to be somewhat tied to someone back home or at another university but don’t “officially” recognize themselves as being in a relationship, some couples are outright committed and have high expectations of commitment from their partners.
For instance, if you end up at Saturday or Wednesday night Shooters, fairly intoxicated, what are the odds that your being here at this time and in this state, is going to impact the status or future of your existing relationship? Again, it’s a matter of standards. If it’s an open relationship for the time you’re at college, a hookup may not be detrimental to your cause but if you are in a committed relationship, can’t really control your hormones and end up hooking up, there are a few circumstances that are possible. It might be a case where you don’t tell your partner and simply continue with your relationship because you feel you really can’t afford to lose out on him/her, but this may further entail similar hookups in the future and you not telling your partner about them also. The other possible outcome is that you tell your partner, the temporary break occurs, followed by a series of apologies and feeling of guilt, and eventually your partner decides to forgive you. OR, it’s just all over.
Amidst all these possibilities (and various modifications of it) of you and your actions, there is also whatever your partner is up to at the same time. The very foundation of a long distance relationship, or for that matter any serious relationship, is mutual trust.
Associated with mutual trust, is insecurity, an issue in every long distance relationship.
For instance, you wake up in the morning and see a picture of your boyfriend on social media with four other girls having that typical drunken smirk on his face and a solo cup in his hand, standing in a rather inappropriately close position, looking absolutely hammered. Now, that’s going to elicit some strong emotions whether it be anger, doubt or insecurity. That feeling of insecurity will prevail every time your partner goes out to party or drink. It’s inevitable. It’s human nature to value and be concerned and possessive about people when you see a possibly vulnerable situation approaching.
You can’t really help it. You may impose certain restrictions on your partner regarding what’s considered inappropriate, but at the same time you may also feel the need to understand and respect their freedom and let them have fun. It is college after all.
It’s also the mental stress that comes along with the insecurity and the distance. Skype, Snapchat or text messages cannot do justice to your relationship, creating misconceptions that physical presence and talking in person often alleviate.
A long distance relationship also entails a lot of effort and time management, something that university students already find very difficult to achieve. However, if you’re willing to go that extra mile for your partner and won’t complain about it, you should be fine.
You may hear all these stories your friends about who they hooked up with and how awesome a night it was. You may see a plethora of people hooking up passionately right in front of your eyes when you go out at night. You may even see a few couples on campus. You’ll probably be jealous and wonder if you should also have opted for that sort of a social life at college. You may wonder if you’re compromising your college experience.
But if you’re with someone who you feel is irreplaceable and see a future with, and your partner feels as strongly as you do, you’re in the right place no matter the social pressure of this community.
Shivaan Tandon is a Trinity freshman.
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