Film Review: The Identical

Special to The Chronicle
Special to The Chronicle

There are a lot of jokes about bad movies, but the truly terrible film that is “The Identical” is no laughing matter. The one exception to that may be the hysterical presence of Seth Green, whose random yet significant appearance in the movie, forces me to assume he lost some sort of bet.

Walking past the film poster, any moviegoer would be quick to assume that this is an Elvis flick. The title, “The Identical,” might then drive that moviegoer to assume it's about Elvis's twin. Now imagine someone sets out to make that movie, but is unable to get the music and life rights to the real McCoy. This is “The Identical.”

The movie is about a pair of twins born during the Great Depression. Unable to afford raising both, the parents give one of the brothers away to a preacher and his barren wife. The boys are musical prodigies. The one given to the minister must suppress his gifts to please his father. However, the other begins a musical revolution; his performance style and voice have an uncanny resemblance to Elvis’s.

The first problem with this story has to do with the concept as a whole: an Elvis movie without Elvis. Imagine if “Walk the Line” had been called “Tow the Squiggle,” featured bad music barely reminiscent of Johnny Cash’s, and that the cast had walked away with Razzies instead of Oscars. Now you have some understanding of the movie-making catastrophe that is “The Identical.”

“The Identical"s main character Ryan Wade/Drexel Hemsley (Blake Rayne) looks like a puffy Presley. His acting moved me… to eat more popcorn, so I could focus my attention on anything else but his attempts to convey emotion. The rest of the cast wasn’t any better. This may also be due to the terrible lines they had to deliver. In one “emotional” moment from Ryan Wade, he says, “Thank you. I mean thank you, for everything. And I mean everything.” I’d like to say to him, “Thank you, Ryan, for repeating yourself, and I mean repeating yourself, as in saying the same thing over again, like twice.”

Even with the poor performances aside, there are still plenty of flaws to discuss. The movie has nothing at stake. Ever. Yes, Ryan hiding his true self makes him a little sad. Maybe teenage Ryan (played by 40-year-old--yes, 40-year-old--Rayne) should stand up to his dad. In fact, he should have, and then there really would not have been any issues for him. And everyone could have celebrated because the movie would not have been made.

“The Identical” is one of many faith-based films to hit theaters this year. But that Christian element was in direct conflict with the sexually provocative figure that inspired the film, creating yet another uneasy tension for the audience to deal with for its 107 minute run.

This is a poorly written, badly acted film that makes a mockery of the musical bio-drama genre. Hopefully, there won’t be a film identical to it for a very long time.

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