Life at Duke can be stressful. There may not be time in your schedule for your favorite shows with the BME/ECE double major, the economics minor and an MMS certificate (because you’re a freaking Duke student, so why not). And don't forget that you're juggling four service clubs, independent research, and a sports team that you’re not even sure you’re still a part of. Fear not, for today we have a survival guide for binge-watching away a weekend at college.
Friday, 6:00 a.m.- 8:00 a.m.: Look. I know it’s Friday morning, but you can sleep when you’re dead. You’ve got more important things to do...like starting off your day with some comedic gold. You must be feeling a little homesick, so try the first few episodes of "Modern Family," or, if you desire an even more dysfunctional family, try "Shameless."
9:30 a.m.-10:30 a.m.: So early morning labs aren’t treating you so well. No big deal. Stop over at Pitchfork Provisions, pick up some breakfast and dig into one of Red’s infamous breakfast biscuits from "Orange is the New Black" (Warning: don’t get on her bad side, or that breakfast may not be as clean as you hoped).
10:30 a.m.-11 a.m.: Physics 153 was a risky choice for your already jam-packed schedule, but don’t sweat it. "The Middle-Earth Paradigm" episode from "The Big Bang Theory" has got you covered. Just don’t dress up as the Doppler Effect for class. You won’t get extra credit.
1:30 p.m.-2:30 p.m.: Why bother cracking a chemistry book open when you can just dive into an episode of "Breaking Bad?" Watch the inevitable collapse of Walter White as you realize that the one who knocks is merely the delivery guy dropping off Pollos Hermanos chicken (or Bojangles, if the former is not available).
3:00 p.m.-4:30 p.m.: Who the hell takes a political science elective at 3 o’clock on a Friday?! That’s okay. We all make mistakes. Nonetheless, open your laptop, throw on some subtitles and see how politics is really done "House of Cards" style. Trust me - nothing you learn in class could be more accurate than Kevin Spacey mercilessly outwitting his political opponent. (Disclaimer: Last statement may not be true.) And if taking a serious political route isn’t your go-to, then laugh your pants off with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, fresh off her 5th Emmy win, in "Veep."
5:00 p.m.–6:00 p.m.: After a phone call with your parents about your future, you’re feeling philosophical about the different routes you can take, wishing you could clone yourself and do it all. Jump into "Orphan Black" and discover that having multiple clones of yourself probably isn’t the best idea.
6:30 p.m.-8 p.m.: You don’t want to admit that you’re awkward, but nobody’s sitting with you at dinner tonight. That’s all right; pull up a seat and let "Louie" share the pain with you. You can follow with "New Girl" and "The Mindy Project" to discover that you’re not weird, just quirky!
Saturday, 12:01 a.m.-2:00 a.m.: Going to that party was fun, but all the unnecessary drama between the competing Greek, SLG and Independent life has got you dreaming of settling it all medieval style. Thankfully, "Game of Thrones" will cover you until you fall asleep wondering if your brothers would ever betray you.
10:00 a.m-11:00 a.m.: Oh, crap! You overslept! You have a very important job interview for that new marketing firm down the block. Quick, throw on a suit, pour yourself a glass of whiskey and view an episode of "Mad Men." (Warning: Drinking before an interview is, unfortunately, no longer socially acceptable.)
12:00 p.m.-3:00 p.m.: After realizing that marketing isn’t the career for you (hey, you definitely shouldn’t have gone to that interview drunk), you may decide to become a detective because, let’s be honest, that’s the next logical step. So indulge yourself with the cynical "True Detective" and then appreciate the sheer genius of Benedict Cumberbatch in "Sherlock." Heck, if you think you might go off the map, try the always-promising "Person of Interest."
5:00 p.m.-5:30 p.m.: After a nice stroll in the Duke Gardens, it’s a normal urge to go back to your poorly lit room and watch a comedy. "Parks and Recreation" will luckily give you the opportunity to pretend you’re still out in the open.
7:30 p.m. -8:30 p.m.: Tonight, there’s a Halloween pre-game before Shooters! May as well get in the mood with an episode of the frightening, yet intriguing, "American Horror Story." Time to decide if Rubber Man or Bloody Face is your costume of choice.
Sunday 1:00 a.m.-1:30 a.m.: You’re upset that you didn’t meet anyone tonight, but your friends have your back and take you out for “sandwiches.” Sounds like a good time to throw on an episode of the recently completed (but forever enjoyable) "How I Met Your Mother" while you order a pizza to handle those munchies.
4:00 a.m.-6:00 a.m.: You thought you’d get a great night's sleep, but your international student neighbors disappear at weird hours in the night. You begin to ponder whether they might be Russian spies or secretly working for the government as you tune into an episode of "The Americans" followed by "Homeland."
12:00 p.m.-12:30 p.m.: After spending hours this morning actually doing the homework you should have done early this weekend, you finally prepare for Sunday’s greatest element: football. Though you’d never admit it to your friends, you legitimately take the advice from an episode of "The League" in order to set up your fantasy team. Bold move, my friend, bold move.
2:00 p.m.-2:30 p.m.: Your team is losing by enough that you’re done watching football for the day. Watch some true team spirit with the Greendale Human Beings in "Community" in order to improve your mood. Keep that smile going and appreciate that you're at Duke.
3:30 p.m.-4:30 p.m.: Mock Trial tryouts are in an hour! Make sure you cram in at least one episode of "The Good Wife" to get your courtroom skills on the ball.
6:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m.: So, Duke Ambassadors has invited you to a classy dinner tonight. Well done. "Downton Abbey" can teach you a thing or two about what it takes to be classy. At least you’ll know the proper way to hold your teacup.
9:00 p.m.-9:30 p.m.: You could watch the actual news, but why bother? "Last Week Tonight with John Oliver" will tell you everything you need to know.
9:30 p.m.-11:00 p.m.: It’s late on Sunday night. Guilty pleasure time. Throw on an episode of NBC’s deceptively good "Hannibal" or maybe go the "Scandal" route. If you’re feeling superhero-y, than "Arrow" has got to be your move. If you want to laugh at espionage debauchery, then why not throw on an episode of "Archer." It’s your call! There’s so much to choose from.
11:00 p.m.-11:59 p.m.: You’ve got time for one more show to end your weekend. Your friends think you watch it for the nudity, but we all know it’s actually a phenomenal show. Get in an episode of "Masters of Sex" to round out your weekend.
If you follow these steps you will become an aficionado on modern television. Sure, you will probably have to skip some readings and not study for that upcoming Orgo exam. But, hey, I’m sure it’ll be worth it.
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