Introducing ‘Life of Cutcliffe,' a Coach Cut reality series

In his weekly press conference Tuesday, head coach David Cutcliffe talked about the annual meeting of ACC football coaches, held on Amelia Island off the coast of eastern Florida. Cutcliffe described what goes on behind closed doors when the conference's coaches get together during the spring.

He indicated that while most people see college football in terms of numbers and statistics, the ACC coaches' meetings focus more on the individual student-athletes. The talks revolve around issues like player safety, fair recruiting practices, academic standards and what policies are best for the league in general.

The spring meeting serves as the primary venue to have conference-wide discussions about these important issues. Cutcliffe referred to the growing number of reality shows on television and indicated that he would like to see some cameras at the Amelia Island meetings to capture the true nature of what is really important to the ACC's coaches.

Cucliffe's comments drew polite laughter from the media in attendance at the press conference then quickly took a backseat to the possibility of Duke winning its sixth game of the year this weekend against Virginia Tech and becoming bowl eligible.

But I lingered on what Cutcliffe said. There really are an absurd amount of reality shows on television today. If Alabama's Hoover High School football team can have its own show (Two-A-Days aired on MTV in 2006 and 2007), then I think it is high time Cutcliffe had a show of his own.

Without further ado, I present the weekly reality show based on David Cutcliffe's exploits as the head coach of the Duke University football team.

We'll call it 'Life of Cutcliffe.'

Week 1

In the first episode, we are introduced to Coach Cutcliffe, or simply 'Coach Cut.' We also meet some of members of the football team, who are trying to make it to a bowl game for the second year in a row. This has never been done at Duke, and the potentially historic accomplishment has the football program buzzing. Coach K is caught on camera wearing a Duke football shirt.

Cutcliffe steals the show from its very first scenes. The shows initial viewer ratings get a huge boost thanks to Cut's smooth Alabama accent. (Shortly after the first episode airs, Bojangles hires Cutcliffe on a one-year contract to appear in their sweet tea advertisements due to the public's infatuation with his Southern drawl.)

Week 3

Duke has started the season off 2-0, something the program hasn't done since 1998. The university's student body population seems somewhat unconcerned with the team's early-season success, but the football program is clearly on the upswing.

By this point the show's fans are growing accustomed to some of Cutcliffe's habitual sayings and personal anecdotes. When Cut talks about 'explosives,' viewers no longer wonder what bombs have to do with college football (explosives are Cutcliffe's term for big offensive plays). After hearing countless stories, viewers also have a decent idea of how much backyard football Cutcliffe played as a child and how those experiences have translated to the college level.

Week 8

The highlight of this week's episode is a phone conversation between Coach Cut and Thad Lewis, a former Duke quarterback now starting for the Buffalo Bills. Viewers get a sense of how much Cut cares about his former players as he congratulates Lewis on his recent victory over the Miami Dolphins. Cutcliffe also gets a call from Eli Manning, his star quarterback from his days at Mississippi. Cut congratulates Manning and his first win of the season, and the two share a laugh about Peyton's new underwear commercial (Cut also coached Eli's older brother.)

The show's producers decide to get a better idea of what the football players are up to off the field. After hearing that the team is headed to a western-themed bar called Shooters II following the big win on Saturday, the cameras trail the Blue Devils there. After some debate, it is decided that if the footage is aired on major television networks the show might be cancelled. The producers were nervous about airing content that might violate the FCC's restrictions on indecent programming prior to 10:00 p.m. Duke students who watch the show respond in droves, expressing their gratitude for the decision not to air the footage.

Week 16

Duke finishes the year with a winning record and receives a bowl bid. The show finishes on a high note and brings home the Emmy for best reality television program, barely edging out 'The Voice' for the top spot. Cutcliffe signs a new contract and the show makes plans to follow the Blue Devils in 2014.

Unfortunately someone leaks the forgotten-about footage from Shooters II, and a strong public outcry results in the show's cancellation. Coach Cut is relieved to be out of the limelight and the Duke football team gears up for the 2014 season and a chance at a third-consecutive post season appearance.