Activism is not selfless

People have told me that being a feminist just because you’re a woman or being against racism just because you’re a person of color is selfish and that you should really care about EVERYONE.

Hey, plot twist: People ARE selfish. People DO act out of self-interest.

If the way people live their lives is the sum of all the decisions they ever make, and you make decisions based on what outcome is better for you, then of course we live generally selfish lives. This is not to say that altruism doesn’t exist—I’m saying that pure, benevolent altruism doesn’t exist. If I’m nice to you, it’s because I anticipate some sort of relationship with you in the future, or, if you are a stranger in public, I am nice because I am abiding by a code of conduct that I want upheld, by others as well as myself. Alternately, if I donate to charities that will benefit people I will never meet, it is because these acts of generosity make me feel better about myself and help me maintain a self-image of the person I want to be. If other people benefit from my actions, then that is a side effect, albeit a nice one.

From a purely philosophical point of view, this is a result of the problem of mind, in which you can’t really be sure that anyone else exists but yourself. We shouldn’t go crazy, but rather assume that everyone else is operating under the same problems and assumptions, and act accordingly. You cannot be guaranteed of anyone else’s experience or happiness other than your own, and the way you live your life should really reflect that.

And so, I will never claim that being a feminist is a selfless act. Of course I want to be paid fairly, and to have the right to choose what happens to my body, and to have as much sex as I want with as many people I want without being judged for it. Of course I want accusations of sexual harassment and assault to be taken seriously, and for more people like me to be represented in the government. I also know that I do not have much power as an individual, and so it benefits me to join a collective movement in which we feminists invest in gaining these rights together. I don’t begrudge anyone else their rights because it’s a waste of my energy to go about trying to make things worse for other people. I support other people in similar positions, but if you want me to invest heavily in your movement, you need to convince me how your movement will make things better for me.

Of course, I have a broad definition of what will make things “better for me.” As a straight Asian woman, I care about racism against black people and homophobia because the patterns of oppression that they suffer can potentially be used to harm me also. In addition, I have friends who are black and gay and it makes me happy when they are happy.

I begrudgingly accept things like “patriarchy hurts men too,” but it irks me because I think opposing the patriarchy only to the extent that it hurts men is limiting, and underestimates how empathetic men can be. A movement that focuses on women’s rights is hugely valid, even if we didn’t make the lives of men easier, which we do. To be interested in feminism because patriarchy sometimes portrays men as overweight, lazy slobs is to ignore and trivialize the oppression that women go through every day. This idea draws attention away from how much women suffer under the patriarchy. But if that’s the only reason you’re into feminism, whatever.

People will ask me things like, “Do you know any third-world-country charities I can donate to?” And I will always redirect them to things within their own country, like Planned Parenthood or Teach for America. To overlook all of the problems in your own “first world” and skip right to helping people across the ocean is incredibly arrogant and presumptuous, and also really irresponsible. We need to solve our own problems first before we can pretend to know what’s best for anyone else.