Recess doesn’t publish on Thanksgiving. You’ll have to make do without us on that most indulgently lazy holiday, which, I know, is a little like (complete simile with something else inessential to the enjoyment of a holiday). Because I won’t get to express my gratitude in writing next Thursday, and because I feel so overstuffed with thanks (like being overdosed on confidence, or eating so much turkey that you pass out at the table, which is another thing Drizzy might do), I’ve started giving some out a week early this year. Not only is it the right thing to do, it’s a way for me to restrain myself from making too-soon Jerry Sandusky jokes. Or touching little boys’ thighs. Or both. Onwards:
Global Warming: This is apparently not actually a good thing. And jokes about it aren’t ever funny in the least. But I am sincerely pleased that its 78? outside right now, and at the increasing likelihood that Long Island will soon be underwater.
Parking on campus: Duke Parking and Transportation has for at least the past decade waged war on the student body on the bursar bill battlefield, with the tacit consent of the school’s administration. And they have yet to extend the courtesy of informing students when and why the Bryan Center lot will be closed. But I’ve managed to make it through the semester, sans parking pass, with a measly $60 in tickets, so I’m not complaining.
Coldplay: Around this time of year, a seasonal affect catalyzes my ‘drine comedowns, and that’s when I get a little testy, listen to a lot of rap music and spend an inordinate amount of thought on verbally abusing friends and family. As it turns out, the one thing that prevents this annual slide is optimistic and painfully earnest arena rock. Enter Chris Martin and Johnny Buckland: if not for “Charlie Brown,” I’d have had the sunshine crushed out of me.
Pabst Blue Ribbon: I’m white trash, and I’m in trouble?
Rick Perry: Thanksgiving break is a little like enforced procrastination: I know all the end-of-semester work I don’t want to do is on the other side of it, and I’d much rather worry futilely about it than actually start doing it. But I can comfort myself by knowing that, even if I don’t study one moment and waste all my parents’ money, it could be worse: I could be Rick Perry.
A$AP Rocky: This dude is awesome.
Coach K: We here at Recess don’t know a whole lot about “sports,” because we weren’t good at them in high school and the whole idea feels barbarically zero-sum to us. But we’ve noticed that winning is generally approved of, and this fellow has apparently done more of it than anyone else ever. Good on you, Coach K! By the way, what is all this “dribble penetration” that commentators keep referring to during college basketball games? Is it considered deviant behavior?
Check back with us in two weeks (and remember that the criticism herein does not reflect editorial opinion). In the meantime, I hope this prompts your own Thanksgiving reflections. If nothing else, we can all be glad we have fully functional brains with a reasonable command of acronyms and political platforms.
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