Commencement Day company

Duke and Harvard will have Fareed Zakaria speak at both of their graduation ceremonies, but what about other schools? The Chronicle's Dylan Peterson ranked a few universities based on the general awesomeness of their graduation speakers for the 2012 commencement ceremonies across the country.

I will refrain from ranking Duke’s (and thus copycat-Harvard’s) speaker so as to remain impartial. Fareed Zakaria is, according to his website, a CNN anchor, Time Magazine editor and, according to Esquire magazine, "the most influential foreign policy advisor of his generation." He has authored several books regarding the new world order and foresees a rebalance of power among all nations in the near future. This speech should provide a fresh prospective on an ever-changing globalized world, and how the United States will fit into this balance.

1. Princeton University—According to the Princeton website, this premier New Jersey university will be having comedian Steve Carell grace its presence on Commencement Day. Carell won a Golden Globe in 2006 for best actor in a TV comedy for “The Office” and his legendary comedy is well…legendary. At graduation ceremonies for top universities like Princeton (and Duke), nothing celebrates a successful four years better than sidesplitting laughter with friends and family.

2. Vanderbilt—According to the Vanderbilt website, news anchor and journalist Tom Brokaw will address in his resounding voice the graduates of Vandy. Besides Brokaw’s potentially irksome voice, this should be a decent speech filled with fascinating anecdotes of news reporting and diplomatic sayings.

4. Penn State—Widely respected defensive football coordinator Jerry Sandusky will give the address live via webcam from Pennsylvania State Penitentiary. (too soon?)

4. Yale—According to The Yale Herald, based on student suggestions, potential speakers for Class Day could include TV personality Ellen DeGeneres, managing editor for NBC Nightly News and host of Rock Center, Brian Williams and my personal favorite, retired four-star General Stanley McChrystal. If McChrystal is ultimately picked, it could make for the most memorable graduation ever… before robots take over the world.

5. University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill—The Daily Tar Heel reported that Michael Bloomberg, entrepreneur and mayor of New York City, will address the graduating seniors at UNC. We can only wonder how the poor soul was coerced into speaking at this institution. Regardless, the impressive politician will most likely offer an impassioned speech about the moral obligation for students to use their knowledge and resources to aid their fellow man. Not much can (tar)nish this man's reputation.

Regardless of the university, the perfect commencement speaker would be some sort of comedian, preferably foreign to prepare for the way this world is evolving in the next decade. It is mandatory to have a sense of humor to survive in the sometimes grim world. Especially on a day to celebrate achievement, the day’s activities should involve laughter and joy.