Editor's Note

Let’s talk for a minute about Occupy Wall Street.

I’d like to start with the language of the movement. “Occupy,” and all its derivatives, doesn’t have great connotations. The first two applications of the word “occupy” that come to my mind are the same two that come to yours: the Israeli occupation of the West Bank and Gaza, and an occupied portable toilet and/or airplane bathroom. As to the former, I’m fairly certain that the Israelis themselves are about as thrilled with that description of their status in the disputed territories as they are with Al-Abbas chicken. The point, generally, being that the language of “occupation” is pretty rarely self-applied, borderline pejorative and not without connotations of subjugation/slavery—which, I don’t think, jibes too well with the Occupy Wall Streeters’ conception of their protest. When Blankfein was in Bloomberg’s land, let my Goldmans go!

Another truly fascinating aspect of the Occupy Wall Street movement is that it’s sprouting other Occupy movements like hydra heads—even in places where the median voter can’t spell “derivative.” Occupy Mobile, Alabama? Are you serious? Pretty sure the wealthiest guy in Mobile, Alabama owns a Kangaroo gas station, and by “risk diversification,” he means that half his portfolio is tied up in Little Debbie equity and the other half in futures contracts of Robert E. Lee statues. I’m not sure that hassling that dude is gonna have much of an impact on the financial-political complex.

Of course, my favorite part of the whole Occupy Wall Street ordeal had to be Kanye showing up this week. I’m hardly the first to note the irony of a guy two months removed from releasing an album where he raps about wearing a “Lanvin thousand-dollar tee with no logos” showing up at a rally protesting America’s growing income gap. But I do wonder how he got down to the financial district to show solidarity with the common folk. You think he pulled up in his other Benz? Or his other other Benz?

The thing is, I should be sympathetic to this cause. I’ve been calling myself a liberal my whole life. Like the Occupy Wall Streeters, I’m a little frustrated by the salaries that summer interns pull in from financial firms just for learning how to use Microsoft Excel. You know those f*****s get signing bonuses?

My problem with Occupy Wall Street is that I don’t know why we’re occupying. It’s not like occupying a lavatory; I get that part. We’re protesting something. But what, exactly? This is, according to Wikipedia (Recess is big on research), a relatively common criticism of the movement. The New York Times editorial board weighed in on the debate over Occupy Wall Street’s lack of focus by arguing, “The public airing of grievances is a legitimate and important end in itself.”

I’ll take your word for it, New York Times. Consider this my public airing of a grievance against the Occupy Wall Street protestors. Their utter lack of specificity and a coherent agenda for reforming the financial sector is aggravating! Their inability to distinguish between financial institutions and political ones is confounding! Their co-optation of populist language is exploitative, and the parallels drawn to the Civil Rights Movement are downright offensive!

Actually, those may be a little too focused. Let me put this in words those Occupy Wall Street characters can understand.