Sandbox

There’s not too terribly much one has to do to become a pop star these days. All you really need is an easily defined image (Ke$ha = wasted! Justin Bieber = looks like a girl!), a catchy tune and an extremely strange music video. Seriously, though, about the last requirement. If it’s not crazy, you’re just wasting your time.

I’m not talking edgy, people. This is beyond edgy. Here lie monsters. Let’s take Ke$ha’s single, “Blow.” Unicorn people, a bra-wearing James Van Der Beek, the deadliest of rainbow laser fights—have I mentioned the edible lactose gold that is Muenster cheese? It all leaves me wondering if they scraped off Ke$ha’s usual layer of makeup, glitter and assorted chemicals (she actually looks somewhat clean in this video!) and snorted it before filming.

For another lovely demonstration, Lady Gaga’s new song, “Born This Way,” has a fairly normal music video (for her) if you completely ignore the opening. If you don’t, you are treated to her giving birth to herself (I think) as well as to a very large gun. This may be the manifesto of mother monster, but I don’t want to see it again. Ever.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. The craziness is nothing if not entertaining. But I worry. I worry because these videos are getting so weird that I feel like eventually they’re going to effect our brains.

We already have Bieber Fever. Now, I’ve got to worry about sexually attractive unicorns (oh, did I forget to mention that a unicorn rocks Ke$ha’s world?). Where will it all end? When will the music industry finally say, “Well, that was enough acid and ‘shrooms for us. Let’s take it down a notch”?

I don’t think anyone knows.

But now that we have “Friday” on our hands, maybe the best thing is to just give up and have a fun fun fun fun fun fun time.

—Christina Malliris