Burlesque

Burlesque is the kind of movie whose plot can be described in mono-syllabic cliches: small-town girl has big-town dreams. Small-town girl can sing and dance. Small-town girl is now a star. The end. No surprises.

Many movies possess this intensely formulaic and highly predictable story-line. The difference, as always, is in the execution. The flair and flavor of cinematic experience, quintessential to transforming the exceedingly mundane into the exceedingly magnificent—are precisely what Burlesque lacks.

As opposed to the elaborate plot lines and character studies of musical-film greats like Chicago and Moulin Rouge, Burlesque presents the one-dimensional Ali (Christina Aguilera) as an Iowa waitress who quits her day job and hops on a bus to seek stardom in Los Angeles. The film offers no explanation as to her departure; within five minutes, after a couple shots of her wandering through the city, she stumbles into a club called Burlesque. Predictably, Ali finds herself drawn­—like a moth to flame—by the glitz and glamor of the club’s sexy, costume-clad dancers.

She inevitably goes from club waitress to club star, all the while angering club diva Nikki (Kristin Bell), falling in love with bartender Jack (Cam Gigandet) and befriending Tess, the aging star and owner (Cher). Peter Gallagher joins his O.C. co-star Gigandet as Tess’ ex-husband—a largely unnecessary role—and Grey’s Anatomy’s Eric Dane plays Marcus, a real-estate mogul intent on buying the club from a money-strapped Tess.

Yes, Cher can sing. Yes, Christina Aguilera can sing. But other than the flashy dance scenes and Cher’s powerful solo performance, Burlesque offers not a single ounce of originality. All of the characters are shallow, predictable and largely inconsistent. The writing, smattered with such gems as, “I will not be upstaged by some slut with mutant lungs!” and “They’re on Dancing With the Stars,” kills the script and wastes the talent of an impressive cast. The further absence of any sex appeal—PG-13 just doesn’t cut it—historical context and chemistry between Jack and Ali puts the nail in the coffin of this wanna-be Cabaret.

If you want to see a routine romcom with a few impressive song and dance scenes, I suggest you rent the similarly awful but more entertaining Coyote Ugly.

—Gracie Lynne