The Season Four premiere of Gossip Girl was simply and unquestionably orgasmic.
It was reminiscent of the great Season Oners we avid G-Girlers so often long for. Georgina, Bitch of bitches, made her splendid debut into Season Four, complete with a hilariously unbelievable role as Dan’s Baby Mama. Jenny Humphrey remained MIA after last season’s reveal of her alter ego-SluttyMcSlutSlut, earned after having sex with a depressed and Blair-less Chuck. (Note: Her band the Pretty Reckless is headlining the Vans Warped Tour. No worries, she’ll be back for the second half of S4!).
Last season, Blair and Chuck were together, then apart, then together, then finally apart after the aforementioned foray into Jenny’s slutdom occurred. Dan and Vanessa split long enough for Dan to knock up Georgina and for Vanessa to go to Haiti for a CNN internship (I dare you to name a more unbelievable place for Vanessa to be.) Oh, and Dan realized he still loves Serena. Shock. Minus the shock.
In the premiere, Blair and Serena wandered around Paris, shopping, dining and attracting French waiters. All the while Blair pretended to NOT still be in love with Chuck. (By the way, I’m calling it right now: Blair and Chuck won’t get back together until either A. the Christmas episode or B. the season finale.) Back home, Dan somehow managed to hide the fact that he has a baby, Milo, with Georgina—or so says Georgina. At the end of the episode, Georgina leaves a darling sleeping Dan and baby (can you say, adorable shot alert?!). Oh, and Chuck’s dead somewhere in a river. Just kidding. But he is lying in some random French chick’s bed, biding time until he inevitably runs into Blair in Paris.
A few accolades are in order...
Biggest “Awww” Moment: “I know it’s called a broken heart, but it hurts in my whole body.” -Blair
Biggest “Ilovetohateyou.” Moment: “I know you think I’m a schemer and a liar and pathologically selfish, and all that’s true...” -Georgina
Favorite Facial Expression: Lily’s, while Gossip Girl gloated, “Looks like Lonely Boy has a baby boy.”
Serena WOULD say that line: “We make our own fairy tales.”
Favorite Blair Moment: “Spotted. B riding shotgun.”
New G-Girl Vocab: “George-ina”
Most unbelievable acting: Georgina as a mother
Biggest Fashion Misstep: Serena’s pants = buhhhh!
Biggest Straight-up Lie: “I couldn’t be less interested.” (in reference to Chuck) -Blair
Until next week… XOXO
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.