Duke Horizontal

Within my vast inventory of socially awkward behaviors and habits, I have a tendency to accidentally “out” virgins. In a pattern that has become all too frequent, I am subconsciously compelled to sexually interrogate only those who have no sexual experience to share. If you were hoping to harbor the secret of your virginal status until after graduation, I would advise you to stay clear of me and my inappropriate icebreakers. For those of you who have already suffered from my foot-in-mouth curiosity, I apologize for accidentally walking in on you with no one in your bed. I’m inclined to believe that secret virgins have some sort of force field around them that ignites my sudden need to talk about sex. In contrast, when amongst my sexually experienced friends, I’m really just interested in talking about food.

Social blunders aside, there are probably more virgins on campus than we are inclined to believe. Statistics validate this hypothesis, with a 2008 Newsweek article reporting that 31 percent of college women are still virgins upon graduation and noting a decline in collegiate sexual activity over the past decade. Still, hard numbers are blighted by the public image of Duke’s casual sexual culture. The term “hook-up” is so vague and ubiquitous that its prevalence cannot help but distort the reality of “going all the way.” Moreover, it’s in many a fratbro’s best interest to keep the phrase hook-up devoid of any specific value, allowing lackluster make-out sessions to fly under the same banner as a night of bed-breaking sex and a chest full of hickies. Thus, students share a common sense that the guy next door must be having more sex than them, while more public forums (such as this column) perpetuate the image of sex as a prevailing element in Duke’s social customs.

So if there are more virgins than our morning-after yarns might suggest, what can be said about the individuals who fall into this category of non-participation, particularly those that seemed to have stumbled into it accidentally? In some cases, Duke’s over-sexualization ultimately hinders a virgin’s ability to go sexually active. Reasonably, people get squeamish over the idea of losing their virginity in a lofted bed amongst the remains of an unfinished game of beer pong and the wafting smell of overdue dirty laundry and anonymous vomit. I certainly didn’t watch an episode of that on the CW. If Prince Charming (or the pubescent version of said Prince) didn’t make love to you on a bed of roses on prom night or at least swipe your v-card in the back of his mom’s minivan, is it reasonable to assume he’ll show up during your college years and treat your first time with the sanctity it deserves? As an unintentional virgin, is it worth enduring a lackluster first time in exchange for the potential of more fruitful sexual experiences? Does “losing it” maintain any intrinsic value after the age of sixteen or is holding out for a beginning fit for a romance novel truly worth the wait?

Obviously, not every college-age virgin is desperate to give it up. However, this is a sex column and therefore I am not inclined to champion or deride the merits of that particular viewpoint. In many ways, the intention of this column is to treat sex as a casual, conversational topic. Unfortunately, I appear to only have these conversations with people who don’t have sex. To be a sex columnist seems to require a certain level of daily awkwardness. Consider yourself warned.