Unofficial grad requirements

From “duke, Horizontal” to sex toy workshops to lectures by Dr. Ruth, you would think that everyone’s just having sex all the time at Duke. It’s even overrepresented in our infamous unwritten tradition: the unofficial graduation requirements. As many of you may know by now, these include scaling Baldwin Auditorium, tunneling, driving backwards in the traffic circle and having sex in the stacks and in the Duke Gardens.

With two out of the five requirements involving sex in public places on campus, I’m noticing a bit of a trend. However, I am a little disappointed, Dukies, in your lack of creativity. Instead of limiting yourself to just doing the deed in the library or the Gardens, why stop there? There are plenty of places on campus that boast equal bragging rights. What’s that, Sally? You mean you haven’t heard of the new graduation requirement of sex in the law school? Don’t worry, my services will be “pro bono.”

Or how about a late night rendezvous Wednesdays at Jazz at the Mary Lou Williams Center? You’ll have great background music, and you can wine and dine on free cheese and desserts. Or consider a quickie during halftime at a basketball game in Cameron. For the bold, irreverent few who would enjoy a stint of irony, there’s also sneaking into the Chapel or the Divinity School—an unofficial unofficial requirement that my friend completed last semester.

Consider the options like a Dr. Seuss poem: Would you like it here or there? Would you like it anywhere? Would you like it in the DiVE? Would you like it on Campus Drive? If you’re on the shy side, you can check out the more low-key fifth floor McClendon Tower or the abandoned Twinnie’s on the weekends. And we must not forget K-ville­—it’s the perfect excuse to keep warm out there. All I know is that if the tent’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’.  

All joking aside, there are also less risque tasks that one should add to one’s senior bucket lists. Unfortunately, although they cannot all be considered as thrilling as the unofficial graduation requirements, they are at least legal and not terribly frowned upon by the administration. In past years, various writers have contributed some of their own suggestions, ranging from basketball games in Cameron and exploring various places in Durham, which are, needless to say, a must. I’d, however, like to add some more obscure ones to the grand list.

1. Immortalize yourself as a Pauly Dog. Add yourself among the ranks of  “The Andrew,” named after Andrew Godfrey, Trinity ’07 or “El Niko,” named after Niko Kurtzman, Trinity ’09. “El Niko,” the most recent student creation comes with chili, cheese, Texas Pete, garlic, jalapeno and BBQ chips. After having his first Pauly Dog in 2006, Niko became a loyal customer and friend to Pauly, Beth and Randy, testing new recipes and finally, inventing his own creative concoction. You, too, could be the next great hot dog.

2. Gaze at the stars at the Duke Teaching Observatory in the Duke Forest. (Yes, we have an observatory.) Run by the Duke physics department, it is open to the public on select Friday nights.

3. Purchase a book by a Duke professor from the Gothic Bookstore and get it autographed.

8. Visit the Durham Flea Market Saturday mornings where for a dollar you can get authentic pupusas, tamales and other authentic Hispanic foods from Tiana, a housekeeper who works in Edens. While you’re there, you can pick up an old school Atari or N64 system and relive your childhood for less than 20 bucks.

Sue Li is a Trinity senior. Her column runs every other Wednesday.