PSA: Toyota’s teaching moment

Toyota was cruising down the highway in his hot-selling Prius, pedal to the metal (if indeed it is possible to go pedal to the metal in a Prius), zipping past Chrysler in her PT Cruiser, sideswiping Ford in his famously ill-conceived Edsel and finally passing by General Motors as the rear engine of her Chevrolet Corvair burst into flames.

Toyota sped on, luxuriating in his self-satisfaction, high on success. “How long I have worked to overtake the American giants as the world’s number one automaker!” Toyota thought. “The meticulous engineering and the unrelenting marketing campaigns have finally paid off. I am the most powerful brand in the industry. My name is synonymous with excellence.”

Thoughts of the Camry, Corolla, Prius and RAV4 flashed in his mind. “That’s four of the 15 best-selling cars in the United States. And I am even more popular overseas!” Toyota boasted as he flipped off Chrysler, Ford and GM. “You smell that? That’s not just low-carbon emissions. That’s the smell of success.”

Toyota turned back toward the road and realized that he had almost missed the upcoming bend. “Close call,” Toyota thought as he took another swig of beer and let up on the accelerator. But the accelerator did not come up with Toyota’s foot. Toyota tried to make a sharp turn, but the car was going too fast. Out of control, the car went off the side of the road, through a cactus patch and into a gorge, Thelma and Louise-style. Unfortunately, the Prius is not a performance vehicle.

The beloved hybrid met a fiery end, and Toyota narrowly escaped the wreckage, though he sustained grave injuries. Embarrassed and dazed, Toyota remained quiet for the next few weeks, only occasionally muttering something about floor mats and gas pedals. Toyota could not bring himself to tell those who had been so loyal to him, those who had loved him, about his failings.

But Toyota could not conceal his shameful secret as news of the accident spread quickly around the world. To make matters worse for Toyota while he stuttered his way through public apologies and promises to make amends, new instances of his reckless disregard for safety began to arise.

It wasn’t just the floor mats, was it Toyota? The accelerator sticks too, doesn’t it? So if I manage to dislodge it from the floor mat, I still am going into that gorge, aren’t I? And you didn’t tell me? And it isn’t just the Prius, is it? But really Toyota, the Camry? Not the Corolla! And the Highlander, VENZA, Tundra, Tacoma, Sequoia, Avalon, Matrix and RAV4? I think you need to sit down, Toyota. I think it’s about time that you admit that you have a problem. You need to come clean and sober up.

Yes, I understand, Toyota, it’s very lonely at the top. Perhaps you became a bit dizzy with success and let some mistakes slide you would not have tolerated five years ago. It is certainly understandable; you worked hard to make it to the top, and you deserved some rest and relaxation, but not that sort of R&R. You had your wild nights; you had your fun. But look, Toyota, look at all of the people you let down who cared so much about you. Look at how you hurt those who you loved.