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I’m cracked out on Adderall. I just chugged down 40 mg more, and I’m digging in for my third consecutive all-nighter in the trenches baby!

You’re damn right I’m fired up. It’s the last week of classes, which means all the work you’ve put off is now due like Oprah’s coming-out speech. But if you’re trapped in the library when all you want to do is play golf and cheat on your wife, then you can’t see the Woods for the trees because cramming in Brostock, first floor, back table by the “Honors Thesis Room” isn’t about sucking down Red Bull and typing until you have carpal tunnel. It’s about wasting all that time exploring the Internet looking at useless Web sites.

Recently, I saw “Hey Check Out This Ginge,” a Web site dedicated to Hitler’s worst nightmare: the dreaded redhead (say that five times fast). Unfortunately, this won’t be the final solution to the redhead problem, but it is a nice example of the recurring “look at this niche of people or things which provide endless material for one-liners” Web sites. You’ve probably seen “Look at this F—ing Hipster” and “Check Out this Douchebag” but you may not have heard of these other ones.

First up is an oldie but a goodie: “Gander These Elders Getting Intimate.” PDA isn’t just for under the slide anymore. They’re old, they’re bold, and they’re mounting one another on a Rascal scooter. If Rascal scooters had windows, they would be steamier than Jack and Rose’s carriage. “Oh Harold, people are taking pictures.” “I know, Maude. Doesn’t it turn you on?” He may not know how to turn a computer on, but he knows about Maude.

Next, what started with one single picture of a halfway decent Olympic swimmer has turned into “Look At This Lazy Pothead.” This is a gateway Web site. Once you click on it, all you want is the next hard site. Next it’s “Look at this Tweaking Coke Head.” Then you’re on to “Check Out This Drooping Junkie.” Look at this Jenkem fiend. Strung-out and broke, you’ll find yourself on a “Home for the Homeless,” granted it’s less of a shelter and more of a public forum for us to ridicule their terrible feet.

But hey, baby steps. Seriously, sir, baby steps, you’re barefoot, and there is a lot of broken glass in this back alley. Now rummage around in that trash, desperate for something to eat. Perfect. On the count of three, act like you’ve just found some something shiny and metallic you might be able to hawk. Now hoist it above your head. There! I’ll call it “9th Street Wonder.” It’s going to get so many hits.

In the same vein as “This Is Why You’re Fat” comes “Please Eat Some Carbohydrates.” Weighing less than the Quenchers smoothie you can’t finish? Tights sagging down to your Uggs? Able to tell the change of seasons by the amount of peach fuzz your body grows to keep warm? You might be found here. Eating disorders are no laughing matter though, unless you’re trying to burn calories.

Currently, I’m working on creating “Peep This Studious Oriental.” If you have any action shots—preferably involving a calculator or groups hopped up on ginseng—send them in. Now’s the perfect time to capture them in their natural habitat. You may resent them for ruining the bell curve, but someone needs to balance out my D with an A.