9

A group of nine unique, handcrafted ragdolls equipped with bizarre mechanical parts are the last stand for humanity in a post-machine takeover world. Well, it looks like hallucinogenic drugs are still around.

A group of nine unique, handcrafted ragdolls equipped with bizarre mechanical parts are the last stand for humanity in a post-machine takeover world. Well, it looks like hallucinogenic drugs are still around. After waking up in the office of his dead creator, #9 (voiced by Elijah Wood) traverses his new surroundings—a singed city that looks as if an atomic bomb just exploded. He quickly finds the wizened, adventurous #2 (Martin Landau), but the duo is immediately attacked by a screeching, skull-headed dinosaur machine that snags #2 into its jaws and stomps off into its lair. Wah-wah, dino-downer. #9 soon meets the rest of his hybrid Raggedy-Ann-cum-Wall-E crew, a group of painfully stereotypical characters including the cowardly #5, crazy artist #6 and butt-kicking chick #7. #1 (Christopher Plummer), a stodgy conservative frightened of change, houses most of the group in a church (what subtle commentary!) and discourages the rest from venturing out into the world.

With an unclear plot, dialogue chock-full of cheesy lines like “I have to do this alone” and “We are looking for answers” and characters too stale to care about, the film does little right. Although featuring a promising premise—especially with Tim Burton producing—it struggles to place itself within a historical context. Writer-director Shane Acker explains how the machines took over by deploying a 1930s totalitarian propogandist style, but subsequently features futuristic technology—a combination that places the film in a unnecessarily confusing realm of time and place.

The one and only grace of the movie is its captivating visuals, especially during both a church-top chase sequence and a factory explosion. But its visual strength disappears under Acker’s glaring lack of narrative focus. Especially when compared to its top-notch animated film peers, 9 is about as worthwhile as a ripped Beanie Baby.