The pinnacle in men's fashion magazines, Gentleman's Quarterly, dubbed Duke the second "douchiest" college in America (let's just forget about that U.S. News slip) in its September issue. GQ named Duke the home of "The O.D. (Original Douche)," but I like to think it takes more variety to rank so highly. Here are some of the classifications they missed.
The Cameron Crazy Douche: Everyone had their phase as freshmen, but those few upperclassmen who begin tenting during finals week up the ante. All nine of them are the reason the Blue Devils are so universally loathed.
The Pseudo-Hipster Douche: After a summer internship in New York, this person comes to Durham with armfuls of Am Appy and "have you heard of this store called Uniqlo?," bragging about the amazing Ra Ra Riot shows. News flash: Ra Ra Riot's not cool.
The Back-From-Europe Douche: Ever present in the spring semester, this type gallivants around in leather boots-they're from Milan, by the way-smoking tightly rolled cloves. Main characteristic? Disaffected.
The Political Douche: Take a public policy and/or political science class. That kid self-righteously waxing poetic about the macropolitical taxonomy of the Sandinista Revolution-that's the type. Think Dennis Miller, except douchier.
The Pratt Douche: We all know your restrictive BME schedule and future medical school careers are difficult. Stop complaining and transfer over to Trinity. You can gripe with the rest of the econ majors.
The Frat Douche: Salmon shorts. Blue polo. Busch Light. You've got your man.
The Sorority Douche: However rude it is to call ladies douches (it is an adjective derived from a feminine hygiene product, after all), anyone that BBMs about her "Big Big" and only drinks clear liquor deserves this designation. Sorry girls.
It might not be clear to everyone, especially the first-years, but it takes a lot of work to be a Duke douche. So get working and find your niche, kids.
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