The Twitter

As online editor for The Chronicle, I've been experimenting with different uses of Twitter to suit The Chronicle's journalistic purposes. So far, no success. Frankly, I believe Twitter will be a passing fad in the same vein as go-go boots, Beanie Babies (currently three for $5 at Rite-Aid) and global warming. That being said, during my search for Twitter journalism, I've discovered a few alternative uses for communicating in under 140 characters:

The Twitter breakup. If your girlfriend is unwilling to embrace Communication 2.0 and still insists on spending "quality time" together, here's the perfect way for her to get the message: "Though I chnge my Fbk status often and tweet every hr, u say our r-ship suffers from pr communication. Cause u won't embrace a r-ship in web 2.0, I don't c a future for us."

The Twittersation with your mom. When speaking on the phone with our moms, most of us (especially guys) get frustrated hearing from her about the food at the last book club meeting or explaining to her how to attach a document to an e-mail. To avoid such long conversations and to guarantee that she won't respond-nobody over the age of 40 knows how (or cares) to use Twitter-boil down all the important details to a short message: "Hey mom, still alive. Could you send cookies? Please mail them in a box labeled plastic explosives. Otherwise, my roommate will steal them. Luv u."

The Twitter test cheater. Although it's not very useful for free-response sections, it could certainly give a boost to No Child Left Behind: "Multiple choice answers for the North Carolina high school standardized test - A. A. B. C. A. D. B. B. B. C. A. B. D."

The New Testament Twitter. Throughout the past 2,000-plus years, the teachings of Jesus have been muddled with tradition, politics and Holocaust-denying priests. The life of Christ and his teachings, however, were meant to be simple: "Believe in G-d, Jesus and the HSpirit. Jesus was crucified, died for our sins and rose on the 3rd day. Believe in the Holy Trinity so that u won't go to hell."

The Twitter recess. Surprisingly (or not), this may actually offer Twitter a practical use. Students often complain that recess is simply an eight-page (sometime six-page) obstruction as they try to flip to the sports section. To cut down on reader inefficiency costs while still providing important recess content to the seven readers (including the six recess staff members) who actually read recess, recess' content can be summarized in the following way: ""

The seventh recess reader,