Well, folks, we've done it yet again. The interminable hours of endorsement meetings have passed, the letters nobody reads have stopped taking up space in the paper and most of the inane posters some chump thought would be clever at two in the morning have disappeared; we've grunted out another Duke Student Government election.
As a senior nearing graduation, I've been spending a lot of time recently thinking back on all the great memories I have of this university. None of them involve DSG. In fact, I have a hard time thinking of another group which has been so large and supposedly important while remaining such a non-entity in the day-to-day lives of students. And I've actually tried to pay attention.
My freshman year I even attended one of the "24" town-hall meetings put on by then-DSG President Jesse Longoria, who is best remembered for winning the fishiest DSG election in living memory. Yes, they were named "24" after the TV show. No, they were not as interesting, though I suppose you could say they were torturous.
After Longoria came the populist folk hero Elliott Wolf, who was elected, as far as I can tell, on his ability to distribute movies and TV shows illegally. His agenda for student government seemed to be to get in as many high-profile e-mail fights with administrators as possible, which he did to great comic effect. If there were effects beyond the comic, I can't identify them.
Wolf was succeeded by Paul Slattery, who won votes with his "I'm with Elliott" campaign and his hair, which appealed to the clown demographic. His tenure was best summarized in the headline of a Chronicle article from March of last year: "'07-'08 leaders decry slow pace of change." No kidding.
And of course this year we had Jordan Giordano, about whom I have never been able to develop an opinion. I am a columnist; that does not happen. Giordano roared out of the gate this year with a referendum to raise the student activities fee. Unfortunately for him, the student body roared back with a "No" vote and accompanying hand gesture. He hasn't been heard from much since.
Now those of you who will be around next year will have junior Awa Nur. I know nothing about this person, but she was the first choice of 35 percent of the 38 percent of the student body who voted in the election, which has got to come out to at least 20 people, so I'll assume she's legit.
So President-elect Nur, let me offer you this challenge. Prove to people that DSG has a reason for existing.
The mission statement on DSG's Web site (scroll down, it's just below all the info on how to jockey for DSG positions) is "to execute the will of the student body and to serve as a stable support and foundation for student organizations, activities, views and information, as well as to represent the student body in University decision-making." Also, there's a sentence where one of DSG's goals is to provide leadership to DSG, but I've already written a column on proper English.
So tell me, oh student body, is your will being executed? Are your views being supported? Are you well supplied with information by your student government? Are you represented in University decision-making? Huh. Me neither.
In fact, I find it hard to imagine that the whole DSG apparatus is any more effective in these pursuits than, say, a single administrator would be. Maybe with a suggestion box.
I'm dead serious. If we're doing the best we can do, we should junk the whole thing, hire somebody to coordinate clubs and let that be an end to it.
Democracy is a good form of government for nations and states, but it's not necessarily the best fit for every situation. We should not fall into the age-old trap that demands "one of us" to have a hand on the reins, even when "one of us" is neither more capable nor more efficient than one of "them". And we should certainly not allow that "one of us" to be rewarded for his or her incapability and inefficiency with a nicely padded resume.
So if the next president of DSG can give a compelling reason for DSG's continued existence, wonderful. If not, allow me to modestly suggest the garbage can.
Oliver Sherouse is a Trinity senior. His column runs Wednesdays.
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