Alternative uses for Earth Hour 2009

This past Saturday, cities across the world took part in “Earth Hour 2009” as households, businesses and famous landmarks turned off non-essential lights for an hour from 8:30 to 9:30 pm. Though perhaps 1 billion people didn’t end up participating like the organizers, the World Wildlife Fund, claimed would, it nonetheless appears to have been a success.  Even if  many individual households didn’t participate, the dimming of lights at famous landmarks like the Egyptian pyramids, the Empire State building, Big Ben and my house’s porch light should nonetheless serve what was most likely the campaigns’ ultimate purpose: raising awareness about energy use and Climate Change.

I spent Earth Hour with my parents who were visiting from Chicago in the Bryan Center (though I didn’t shut off any lights, I did shut my folks down in some intense games of crazy eights!). But when I got back to my computer later that night, a tweet on comedian Michael Ian Black’s twitter had me laughing: “Going to use Earth Hour as an opportunity to loot.” Now I think Earth Hour is a great idea for a great cause, but I like to consider myself an environmentally conscience individual who is already pretty aware of Climate Change (read: I know we’re in lots of trouble). So I didn’t feel too bad when my mind started to wander a bit as I asked myself: What else could one do during the unique opportunity that was Earth Hour?

Looting: As Michael Ian Black suggested, Earth Hour offered the perfect opportunity to satisfy that looting itch we all get every now and again. Feel bad about looting? Loot environmentally friendly products such as Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs.   Looters care about the environment too!

Worry about ghosts: Sit in agonizing discomfort and in angst as every little noise heard becomes magnified to the shriek of an unfriendly ghost or the roar of a menacing monster.  Draw the quickest and most efficient plans to turning on every light in your home the second the clock turns 9:30. Leave them on overnight to counter the overwhelming sense of fear, loneliness and diffidence caused by the hour without light.

Kill Mr. Mustard: Take a brief moment to club Mr. Mustard in the library  (Perkins) with the candlestick.  No one will immediately know it was you if you skulk away through mysterious drapes and the lingering air of confusion.  Also, make sure to shout accusations.  This should provide an evening's worth of fun, a life's worth of hard time or perhaps both!

Not wear pants: Who hasn’t wondered what it would be like to walk around in public not wearing pants? No longer do really drunk people have a monopoly on such a privilege.

Clumsily bump into everything in your life (metaphorically too!): Utilize an hour of darkness to not only physically knock over and shatter all teetering objects in your house, but do so with a hint of allegory. Remember that combos are worth more points, so as you spill on yourself attempting to pour a glass of milk, try to drop it, slip on the glass, grab for the counter but instead pull down your pile of taxes and grandma's urn in the process.  Finally, emotionally distraught, cry over the spilled milk.  Repeat for one hour or until everything in house (in life) has come crashing down.  Eventually it should all burn down, as clumsy people like you shouldn't use candles.

Destroy a longstanding symbol of freedom: This is actually an amazing story. In a small firehouse in the town of Livermore, California, a light bulb has been on for 107 years! The bulb was first screwed into place in 1901, and hasn’t been turned off or burnt out since. It’s obviously become something of a symbol of pride for the town and firemen. Just by reading what some of the firemen in the article say, it’s safe to say that even if this light bulb was single handedly causing climate change, they’d fight to the death to make sure nobody turns it off. Environmentalists v. Big Burly Firemen? Sorry polar bears, the Firemen win this fight.

Many more things could have been on the list (dress your dog in an ugly sweater, like Canada, do that weird Tai Chi thing, read (Fahrenheit 451) by candlelight etc), so if you have any good ones, put them in the comments.

Of course, let us not forget what Earth Hour was truly for… raising awareness about what really is one of the worst problems our world has ever faced:  Our inability to walk around our own homes naked without fear of being seen by the neighbors.  Wait, strike that one, I mean climate change of course!  Seriously though... Climate change is bad, guys. Next year do Earth Hour, it's a cool concept.

(Mad props go out to my brother Chris for his help)