I've pretty much spent this semester hating on things, mocking things and being generally annoyed about stupid things at Duke. Don't even get me started on the piano players in Wilson. Even if you are playing "Colors of the Wind," an athletic center is not the appropriate place. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
But after all my tirades, I've come to realize that after four years at Duke, the good outweighs the idiocy of Blue Devil Days. I look around sometimes and think, is this really my life? Duke combines the best of everything you could ask for in a school: great academics, the ability to buy alcohol on campus on your parents' dime without them ever knowing (my mom is reading this column, so, thanks Sash), good weather, world-class sports and amazing people.
I want to be sure that people know I am not just extremely snarky (against everything, for nothing-in a cynical tone), and there are some things that I really love about Duke, besides the obvious wonders of Tailgate, basketball, the Marketplace and Larry Moneta.
1. Curtis, the WaDuke waiter: He is my knight in shining armor. One evening at the WaDuke, I was approached by an older man who was, shall we say, plastered. He proceeded to grab my face with both of his hands and inquire/slur, "Do you go to the tanning beds?" Needless to say, Curtis gallantly intervened to ask my group, "Do you want to see a dessert menu? DO YOU KNOW HIM?" The offending party was promptly escorted out of the restaurant. I now sit up in the tower of my castle (the Belmont), pining away for the day Curtis comes and sweeps me off my feet.
2. The tricycle Segways the cops have now: Why have just two wheels when you can have three?
3. Non-revenue Duke sports (everything but football and basketball): They are awesome, and especially in the spring, a great reason to get to be outside while feeling kind of productive. "I was supporting my school!" This can lead to three hours in the tennis stadium on a Sunday afternoon, resulting in a noticeably lopsided sunburn on your face, but it beats going to the library any day. You can also follow the Duke tennis team on Twitter. I'm sure it's enthralling.
4. LDOC. I know this is a given, but who else besides actual alcoholics goes to class drunk? Vomiting in the bushes becomes completely acceptable. I wish I still lived on campus so I had somewhere to pass out from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m., and then wake up disoriented, hung over and confused, before wandering back to the quad. Perhaps Alpine shall provide me a resting place this year. I once played a full game of Kings there on LDOC. In what world is this normal? Oh, right, our world.
Time to get down to business. On Mondays this semester I've been walking around campus with my inner monologue on repeat: "I'm Monday, Monday! It's me! It's me! You have no idea! I'm a phantom!" (Insert maniacal laughter). I also would stare aggressively at people reading The Chron to see if they were reading my column and how they were reacting, so if that happened to you and you thought I was checking you out, sorry, I'm not interested.
Before I go, I want to thank my friends for giving me random observations about dumb things that happen at Duke and my editor, who tried to help me sneak around the censor as much as possible (hence, "buttclown"). I'm graduating, and heading off into the great blue yonder of New York City to sleep on my mom's couch (literally, this is the actual plan) and try to find a job. So if anyone out there needs someone to make sarcastic observations about anything, solely backed up with Wikipedia research, I'm your girl. So I'm signing off, it's been real. Keep trucking, and try to make it to the concert at LDOC. I haven't yet in my four years, but I'm hoping fourth time's the charm.
The Wayfarer is venturing off into the "Real World". Taylor Field is going to miss her days spent lounging at the Belmont pool, pondering which aspect of Duke to rag on next and hunting wolves in Edens.
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