The Next Japan

If you remember the yo-yo, Beanie Babies or pogs, think about the fads of the modern day-Uggs, Wayfarers and Japan. Yeah, Japan-the entire country and everything about it is a fad which will one day fade away as it sinks into the ocean, only to be remembered on VH1.

Al Gore may blame this on global warming, but really it'll happen when everyone wakes up and realizes that anything with the preceding adjective "graphic" is not cool-graphic novels, graphic hoodies and graphic tees with all-over glow-in-the-dark dragon print.

A couple of Japanese letters (what the hell do you call those things? I'd say characters but Japanese characters typically have hair like a bomb just went off... Go Charizard!) and some neon paint splashed arbitrarily on clothing is wack.

It's even hip to go to Sushi Love to DTR, which is not a derivative of "Down to F---": it means, "Define the Relationship," which involves a Facebook status change and less onanism (Google it). If you're trying to stay "hip and cool and now," you need to start planning for the next fierce (hot mess) country:

Mexico-The transition from graphic hoodies to ponchos will be slow, but once people start abandoning their flat brims for sombreros everything will fall into place. Start hanging out at Cosmic Cantina now so that when they get free wi-fi, you can reminisce about hacking into Ninth Street Dance for Internet.

India-With the success of Slumdog Millionaire, it might already be too late to start the "India Fad." In fact, the other day my girlfriend asked me, "Does this sari make my a- look fat?" I said, "Yeah, P-H-A-T!" Start catching up on this fad with Axe's new shower gel, Curry Commotion: She'll want to pour you over basmati rice and eat you with naan and a side of chickpeas.

Jamaica-Everyone will start swimming laps at the pool and then go to the Olympics and set a record for number of gold medals. Upon their return, they'll let fame and success go to their heads and, at a college party, get photographed smoking weed, lose their sponsorships and break the hearts of the American public. Some people will drink Red Stripe too.

When will America be cool again? I guess with a black president, maybe we have a chance; everyone knows black people are flyer than the rest of us. Soon this will come to fruition, but first Kanye needs to stop pretending he's a Japanese robot from the future.