The Oscars GChat: The Complete Transcript

The print version is here. The whole thing is below--formatting be damned. Shazam.

Charlie: anyway, want to open this Pandora's box of snarky anti-hollywood jibes?

Andrew: yeah. so the Oscars

Charlie: I mean, it gets more and more depressing each year. Let’s be honest; the whole “Oscar movie” v.s. “actually-good-movie” battle becomes more and more true every year.

Andrew: That’s incredibly true. And the Oscars have this phenomenal ability to turn a movie that is pretty good into something that’s totally insufferable. Juno. Slumdog Millionaire.

Charlie: I know. I really am a firm believer that Slumdog is exploiting the economic crisis; it’s such a feel good film that clearly is profiting off how pissed off and poor everyone is getting.

Andrew: It’s exploiting poverty. Turning it into not-that-high art.

Charlie: True true. The academy is totally playing up its “hey-we’re-so-global” image (I mean, lets get serious: has the academy every cared about India before?). But it’s a great film. It really is blowing past everything right now; that seems to be a new trend, films that are little-engine-that-could types becomes their own little Hollywood stories and win everything.

Charlie: Ralph: I think he was too pissed off that no one saw “The Duchess” and responded by not even seeing “The Reader”

Andrew: I think more tragic than all the nominations Harvey Weinstein ate up--and he certainly loves to eat--are the films that didn’t get it. I have my reservations about the Dark Knight, but it deserved that Best Picture nod. And WALL-E. WALL-E.

Charlie: I know, WALL-E is the film most grounded in cinematic history that satisfied both children and ultra-pretentious film theorists and, most importantly that blew every single film this year out of the water. But, it’s an animated film, so it clearly cant be THAT intelligent.

Andrew: Underage Nazi sex though. It’s brilliant!

Charlie: They didn’t do it for the gays with Brokeback, do it for the kids with WALL-E?

Andrew: For the kids. For the environmentalists. Heck, even the gays get it a little bit with WALL-E. After all, Hello, Dolly! played a pretty prominent role in that movie. Just do it for all of us, Academy.

Charlie: Seriously. They did do a few things right though with this years nominations. Take Best Supporting Actress especially. Some of the great performances are in that category.

Andrew: Right. And it’s probably the only category that has any diversity. The best part being—and no offense meant to the always incredible Amy Adams and Marisa Tomei—that none of the front runners in the category are white.

Charlie: I’m so glad Taraji P Henson got some love for her performance in Benjamin Button. She went from heartwarming hooker in Hustle and Flow to actually heartwarming old person in a nursing home in Ben Button.

Andrew: She’s the most deserving nod that movie had. I mean, it was good. But Brad Pitt? Seriously? The Actor in a Leading Role category, were it not for Sean Penn and Mickey Rourke, would be a total travesty.

Charlie: Yeah; I mean, Brad Pitt was just playing himself. Why Brad Pitt and no Leo DiCaprio? Revolutionary Road. My God. Talk about a movie screwed by the economic crisis.

Andrew: I’m not the biggest Revolutionary Road fan, but I think it’s more deserving that a lot of stuff in there.

Charlie: It’s a depressing film about the dying souls of suburban individuals because of the system—way too relevant in the bad way. Yeah, I think it definitely was a bit much at times. But Kate Winslet’s nom for The Reader is clearly a figurehead. She really should have been nominated for this. She is pitch-perfect as April, and gets every nuance of the role down

Andrew: Harvey Weinstein must be in bed with everyone at the Academy. And for that, I really feel bad for those voting buffoons.

Charlie: Yeah, I also think maybe Penelope Cruz got in there with him, because he is seriously campaigning for her....

Andrew: But a question: Slumdog is obviously going to take Best Picture. Who should take it though?

Charlie: I mean, if the Ocar goes to the film that is cinema for cinemas sake, I think Benjamin Button should get it. Milk’s got some solid support behind it (talk about great timing... cough prop 8... cough). Frost/Nixon is your “respected” and “mature” film of the bunch

Andrew: The thing is though, Frost/Nixon is a Ron Howard movie. As much as I loved Happy Days, I just don’t want him to win. It was certainly respectable, but it’s something my mom would like—kind of blase.

Charlie: If The Dark Knight and WALL-E were in here, it would be so much more exciting. And people might actually watch the Oscars.

Andrew: But hey. Hugh Jackman is hosting. Even if Milk loses, there’s still something for the Broadway crowd.

Charlie: Alright, your three biggest snubs—quick.

Andrew: Syndecdoche, NY for Best Original Screenplay. WALL-E for Best Picture. And it’s a little off and maybe didn’t even qualify for the category (or the Oscars, because who knows how those rules work) but My Winnipeg for Best Documentary.

Yours?

Charlie: since you’ve already taken WALL-E for best picture...

I’d say: 1) Kristin Scott Thomas for I’ve Loved you so long (and ILYSL for best foreign film-- a category that, understandably, is teeming with possible contenders) 2) No Darron Aaronofsky; Best director for the the Wrestler (WTF? Stephen Daldry? Really?) 3) The Dark Knight and Chris Nolan for Picture and Director. Maybe maybe someday they will get recognition (oh and  shout-out to Winslet for rev. road)

oh that was in no particular order by the way

Andrew: Awesome. Well, I think we can something this up pretty easily. The Oscars suck, and good films seldom get any love from Harvey Weinstein’s f-ck buddy, the Academy. I we weren’t live blogging it Sunday, we probably wouldn’t watch the show either.