LIVE BLOG: 81st Annual Academy Awards

Almost four hours later, we are done. Charlie McSpadden and Andrew Hibbard's LIVE BLOG has reached its peak. Check back tomorrow for an wrap-up and an analysis of how gay Hugh Jackman was as a host. For now, good night.

11:59 p.m. FINAL THOUGHTS A mostly unsurprising night at the Oscars. They kept it under 3.5 hours which is respectable. There could have been some more clips, but this preview of 2009 (too many John Travolta movies and sequels) is alright. More thoughts forthcoming. Go drink Hollywood. And Mickey Rourke, we want more from you. We want that speech.

11:54 p.m. No surprises here as Slumdog Millionaire wins Best Picture. The montage is clearly the best moment of the night, however, with each BP nomination connected with different moments from film history. Everyone from SM is up on stage and producer Chris Colson gives his speech.

11:49 p.m. A quick moment to say that, though not man people did see The Reader, it was actually a great film. Anyway, back to the incredible best picture montage that is currently going on.

11:48 p.m. Spielberg presents Best Picture. Appropriate.

11:47 p.m. In the only neck and neck race of the night, the Best Actor Oscar goes to Penn instead of Rourke. Great opening line by Penn: "you commie-homo-loving sons of guns." Sean Penn doesn't disappoint entirely with his speech. Spiccoli lives on. This is a well deserved award. San Francisco sleeps tightly tonight as Penn delivers a political message. A homo, Obama-lover himself. Mickey Rourke is Sean Penn's brother. Sick. Otherwise, Slumdog just won Best Picture as Milk got its final concession.

11:42 p.m. Kingsley is clearly presenting Mickey Rourke. One bad ass to another bad ass.

11:29 p.m. Sophia Loren. Oh. My. God. Stop with the tanning booth. Just stop. It looks like you are wearing a leather jacket. And the dress--its not 1983.

11:27 p.m. These awkward monologue / motivational speeches are really getting on our nerves. Please next year just show the clips. And Halle Berry is obviously talking about herself when presenting Melissa Leo.

11:24 p.m. And here comes Best Actress. The five on board? Sophia Loren, Shirley MacLaine, Halle Berry (wish she was speaking....), Nicole Kidman and Marion Cotillard.

11:22 p.m. A quick side note: Danny Boyle didn't even give a shoutout to his co-director for Slumdog, Loveleen Tandan. Seems like everyone is forgetting to spread the wealth this year...

11:21 p.m. Reese Witherspoon presents Best Director. OHMYGOSH who's it going to be???? Aaaaaaand Danny Boyle wins for Slumdog. NO WAY. Too bad that every director in this category has made better films than the ones they are nominated for. And too bad that Darron Aaronofsky wasn't even nominated for The Wrestler. Wow,  Danny Boyle just channeled Tigger. Wow, he just did a shout out to Celador.

11:19 p.m. Big news as Sid Ganis, the current president of the Academy, is stepping down this year. Bye Sid! Thanks for making the Oscars more ultra-political each year!

11:16 p.m. Ending on Paul Newman. Good call. Side note: if The Reader wins Best Picture, Anthony Minghella and Sydney Pollack's death might have provided a boon to Harvey Weinstein's case.

11:13 p.m. Everyone is having their Willy Loman moment. "Oh that guy died?" Legacy. It's a fickle thing.

11:11 p.m. Queen Latifah introduces the R.I.P. montage and sings some Sinatra. There those lungs are. Pull out the Puffs Plus.

11:08 p.m. Liam Neeson and Freida Pinto present Best Foreign Film (international people present to more international people!) to Departures (Japan). The Class and Waltz with Bashir get snubbed. Japan plays second fiddle to India tonight. Asian dominates the western world. Everyone laughs because he can't speak English. Hilarious.

11:02 p.m. We thought the Oscars were about high fashion, not slutty Heather Graham wannabes selling JC Penney.

11:01 p.m. And another one (Best Original Song) for Slumdog. The U.S. is getting OWNED by India right now.

11:00 p.m. John Legend + Indian dude singing the Slumdog song together. Everyone loves each other. We live in an interconnected world. Wall-E is all colors, not just metal.

10:58 p.m. John Legend singing the song from WALL-E. With the Indian dancers from the Slumdog song in the background!? The Oscars are really getting hit hard from the recession, huh. Also, I didn't know traditional African drummers were a part of WALL-E, but, seeing as there are 9+ on stage, I guess they are. Again, the Oscars are soooooooo global these days.

10:56 p.m. WHERE'S M.I.A.???????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

10:54 p.m. Dammit, Zac Efron is on stage again. Please leave and do not return until you look older than twelve. At least he's with Alicia Keys who is hot and doing all the talking (and has a mean Spanish accent). No way! Slumdog wins! Gosh, the Oscars are SO GLOBAL these days. I am, like, so impressed, like! I sooooo want to go to India now because of Slumdog!

10:52 p.m. Best Score brings some much needed class to the night. Finally, the Oscars feel like the Oscars. Not some low-rate high school prom / talent show presentation.

10:48 p.m. These JCPenney ads really need to stop. Instead, we suggest you should replay the scene from Zoolander when Matilda says: "By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale!"

10:45 p.m. Eddie Murphy is now on stage. He is jealously clutching the honorary Oscar he is about to present to Jerry Lewis. Eddie, you didn't win for Dreamgirls because you did movies like Norbit, Meet Dave and The Haunted Mansion. Get over it. Meanwhile, Jerry Lewis is the man.

10:37: p.m. Danny Boyle, you are great, but really we want to punch you in the face.

10:36 p.m. Film editing. An underrated award for certain. SM wins again, perhaps deservedly so. Dev Patel, sit down! You didn't get nominated for anything. Robert Downey, Jr. is better than you.

10:35 p.m. Will Smith. Presenting his fourth award. Wow. Is Hugh napping? How much is he getting paid? Side note: where is the love for Loveleen Kandan?

10: 33 p.m. Will Smith delivers the Sound Mixing award to Slumdog. WTF? No one knows how this is different from the previous award for Sound Editing. Danny Boyle is so happy. We get some ethnic dress on stage. Dev Patel is so happy too! It's the little movie that could! Has anyone noticed how every presenter has butchered every non-caucasian film.

10:30 p.m. Will Smith drops a YouTube reference (Boom! Goes the dynamite). And The Dark Knight finally gets some love for something other than Heath Ledger.

10:28 p.m. Good shout-out to your career, Will Smith. Action movies are legit. Great iron pun. And Outstanding Visual Effects goes to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The Dark Knight continues to get shafted and Ben Button's Best Picture hopes go up in even more flames. How about that guy that looks like Richard Gere on stage though? And Kathleen Kennedy, whoever she is, gets another shout out.

10:24 p.m. This action movie juxtaposes movies Oscar contenders The Dark Knight and Iron Man with garbage like  Wanted, Indian Jones 4, The Mummy 4 and Wanted. Great transition into Will Smith.

10:22 p.m. 12 awards down. 11 left. And some Hugh to hold us over with this heavy-handed "process of a film" thing.

10:19 p.m. The Oscar for Best Documentary Short goes to...Smile Pinki. I think this woman (Megan Mylan) was at Full Frame last year. Don't hold me to that though. At least we're done with the shamelessly self-promoting Bill Maher.

10:16 p.m. The Oscar goes to Man on Wire. At least it gets Bill Maher off screen for a bit. Of course, Philippe comes on stage. Surprisingly, he does not outdo Bill Maher with his ego.

10:14 p.m. Bill Maher (in a plastic suit?) comes out. Way to call attention to your atheistic agenda and Oscar "snub." Good comment about documentary filmmakers, but don't include yourself in that group, Bill.

10:13 p.m. Without presenters, we get a subdued transition into Best Documentary Feature. It's a mildly interesting discussion of the medium (the music?).

10:07 p.m. No surprises here as the Oscar goes to Heath. Standing ovation for his family (father, mother and sister), who is accepting the award on his behalf.

10:06 p.m. Cuba Gooding, Jr. just made fun of himself. And he's black and he's presenting Robert Downey, Jr. This is great. (Junior to Junior!) Maybe Cuba will now get cast in a film that won't got straight to DVD. And pairing crazy with crazy, Christopher Walken to Michael Shannon in Revolutionary Road. And here comes the big presentation: Kevin Kline for Heath Ledger.

10:02 p.m. Here comes Best Supporting Actor.... the five they bring out are: Christopher Walken, Kevin Kline, Cuba Gooding, Jr. (wow, he must be happy to be on this list), Alan Arkin and Joel Grey. Alan Arkin just said Seymour Philip Hoffman. He obviously did not take his meds today.

9:59 p.m. Baz Luhrman just did that one. Good for him. He needed to do something to make up for Australia. Side note: What the heck is Philip Seymour Hoffman wearing? That hat? Really? You are not your character in Synecdoche. You are Philip Seymour Hoffman. Dress like it.

9:57 p.m. Beyonce is groping Hugh Jackman? Is he feeling anything? This musical medley is outrageous. Zac Efron and his naked girlfriend bust out HSM3 tracks juxtaposed with the Mamma Mia! couple and Hugh and Beyonce singing selections from West Side Story. This is a spectrum of talent singing and musicals selections. Zac Efron, get off stage.

9:53 p.m. Hugh Jackman references Sister Act (second mention of the night) and breaks into song. It's very Gene Kelly. And here comes Beyonce to join him. This is the Oscars we all know and hate.

9:49 p.m. Seth Rogen: the new Jack Nicholson? Just start doing some chewed up dramas and sit next to Spike Lee at the Lakers games. It's a done deal.

9:48 p.m. Seth Rogen just started eating the coal from his gift bag. He is most definitely high.

9:47 p.m. Seth Rogen is probably high. He just at laughed the name of the German film (Toyland) that just won Best Live Short. But hey, might as well toke up before the Oscars. Then those tic-tacs in the gift bag will taste all the more delicious.

9:45 p.m. Seth Rogen and James Franco, in their characters from Pineapple Express, do a great job wrapping up the Comedy of 2008. And the Oscars get mad props for being self-aware (more jokes about The Reader).  Now Rogen and Franco are presenting Best Live Short. Yes, the connection/transition baffles us as well.

9:38 p.m. Jessica Biel, token hot chick, from the techie awards. Token boring presentation.

9:35 p.m. And Best Cinematography goes to Slumdog. Another wasted attempt at honoring The Dark Knight which is getting more and more screwed as the night goes on. Also, SM cinematographer--what are you wearing? Get something that fits. Do your hair right. Stuff that pocket square in correctly. This is Hollywood. Not Mumbai.

9:33 p.m. Best line of the night, Natalie Portman to Joaquin Phoenix Ben Stiller: "You look like you work at a Hassidic meth lab."

9:32 p.m. The Academy is really blowing it with Hugh Jackman. Wasted opportunity. But Ben "Joaquin Phoenix" Stiller and Natalie Portman...a highlight? Maybe? Ben Stiller: Best Actor in a Leading Role as Joaquin Phoenix. If only...

9:30 p.m. Two twentysomethings talk about silent films. Silent films they've probably never heard of. Good job Academy with these presenters though. Grab the teenage market (Twilight hunk!) before they go to bed. This Oscar  Yearbook is great though. Especially this romance one we are watching right now. They are not afraid to highlight the good (Vicky Cristina Barcelona, WALL-E) the middle-brow (Iron Man, Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist, HSM3), the bad (Australia, Mamma Mia!) and the gay (Milk). Sure they left out a lot of foreign films and 27 Dresses, but props for attempting breadth.

9:24 p.m. Wow, the Academy is really poor. They have the same people presenting upwards of three awards. What could be in their gift bags? Hand sanitizer? Coal? Tic-tacs? Recycled DVD screeners of Revolutionary Road? And Ben Button goes two for 13 with Best Make-up.

9:20 p.m. Best Costume Design goes to The Duchess. A movie no one saw, like every British period piece. At least British accents are tight. Also, where was Sex and the City? SJP is pissed.

9:17 p.m. Sarah Jessica Parker and Daniel Craig (huh?) are presenting Best Art Direction. Benjamin Button wins its first (and probably only) Oscar of the night. Meatloaf, is 1 of 13 ain't bad?

9:13 p.m. This is quite clearly a different Oscars. The stage is reflecting these tough economic times by looking kind of crappy, we're not seeing a lot of Hugh Jackman, presenters are doing double (even triple duty) and they are--as we would say in my poli. sci. class--frontloading with the big awards. That's what I like to call efficiency. Hollywood is getting drunk early tonight.

9:10 p.m. Le maison en petits et cubes (pronunciation butchered by Jack Black) and English butchered by its filmmaker. Best Oscar speech ever?

9:08 p.m. The origins of WALL-E's Hello, Dolly! are explained and Steve Jobs gets a shout-out. And double-breasted suit Jack Black and Brad's ex get another round on stage. Best Animated Short goes to...

9:05 p.m. Jack Black and Jennifer Aniston (imagine that hook-up; oh wait, it's like The Holiday round two). They are presenting the...Animation 2008 yearbook. It's a celebration of mediocre children's films and WALL-E, not animation. Now we get to the award. How great would it be if Jack Black got to give it to Kung Fu Panda...but no. Some due justice to Andrew Stanton and WALL-E. Thank you, Academy.

9:03 p.m. Fey and Martin stay on stage for Best Adapted Screenplay. Fey has now fallen in love with Martin. And.... NO WAY, the Oscar goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Why won't the Academy ever spread the wealth? This is going to be the first of many for the great, but overrated SM.

8:59 p.m. I'm going to admit that Milk is probably my favorite Best Picture candidate. But Dustin Lance Black, you don't deserve this award. Sure, you're a gay Mormon. Good for you. I'm proud of you. I'm glad you have hope. I'm glad Sean Penn and Gus Van Sant are crying. I'm glad you're crying. But WALL-E deserved this award. All the other movies in this category deserved this award more than the derivative The Life and Times of Harvey Milk script. Mormons, get ready to picket. Likewise, Gus Van Sant, put that acceptance speech away. Best Original Screenplay is a concession.

8:56 p.m. Steve Martin and Tina Fey present Best Original Screenplay. This is actually a great category. Frozen River, Happy go Lucky, In Bruges, Milk (actually the weakest selection, but the one that will probably win) and WALL-E. If there is any justice, WALL-E will win.

8:50 p.m. With Penelope's first win, score one for Harvey Weinstein. Let's see what happens when Kate is on deck. (Also, nice shout-out to Pedro Almodovar, Penelope.) Way to make a plea for the arts too, Penelope. And there is in fact Spanish garble, good call Charlie. Where's the thanks for Woody though? Really? Really? Best Animated Picture next. This is going to be a shocker.

8:48 p.m. Starting off big with Best Supporting Actress. A lot of starpower is on stage (Whoopi, Eva Marie Saint, Anjelica Houston, Tilda Swinton, Goldie Hawn) to give out the award. Instead of having clips for each performance, each former winner gives a 30 second monologue / verbal praise to each nominee, really killing the build up. And the Oscar goes to..... Penelope Cruz. Insert spanglish garble here.

8:37 p.m. Wow. Hugh Jackman's opening. The show is probably going to be downhill from here. Gains points for making fun of The Reader, picking up Anne Hathaway and bringing her on stage (Best Actor for her portrayal of Richard Nixon? anyone?), calling out the Oscars for not nominating for The Dark Knight. Loses points: no mention of WALL-E?

8:34 p.m. Hugh Jackman makes a dig at Australia. Good for you, Hugh. Put that behind you. And he highlights the Oscar cutbacks. This garage-version of an Oscars number--very Tony awards. Very gay. Almost as gay as this Music Man-inspired rendition of Milk.

8: 30 p.m. Show is starting. Take a quick look at the Vanity Fair Oscar Drinking game. Now, we start our own game: "How gay is Hugh Jackman going to be?"

8:27 p.m. We get a fascinating introduction from the new Oscar producers about the relaunched show. Sadly, I think this might be the most interesting part of the show. Let's just hope these new producers can keep the show under three hours. And the show is about to begin...

8:25 p.m. These interviewers are so fabulous. JUST FABULOUS.  Marisa Tomei, I loooove your dress. Almost as much as I love Seth Rogen and his future cover shoot for Playboy.

8:22 p.m. Wow, Meryl Streep's daughter is kind of hot. But also apathetic. "Dear interviewer, I don't give a f--about being here. Stop asking me questions. Also, my mom is untouchable. Love, Mini Streep."

8:16 p.m. We are still on the red carpet. No awards have been given out yet--except for those technical ones that one of those Jessica actresses gave out. Fashion commentary follows the Nicholas Cage previews and Flonase Nasonex ads.