A lot of people probably say to themselves: "boy, I wish I was a celebrity!" I guess I do that too, but I think I keep myself grounded more than most—I allow myself only 8 to 10 daydreams a day, as opposed to the norm of 12 to 15. It's nothing to be ashamed at, really, because everyone daydreams, but I concluded a few minutes ago that it is not only useless to fantasize about stardom, it should be downright reprehensible.
See, to be a celebrity is to be a phony, right? A fake. A typical celebrity lives a life of facade to the public, regularly committing acts of deviousness and duplicity. Heck, sometimes they push the limits of humanity, physically and morally. Why should we, the lowly plebians of society, aspire to be like them?
It's a question that never occurred to me while I was safely removed from celebrities, but now that I'm in Los Angeles, it occupies my mind relentlessly. Why are we trained by society from childhood to worship these people who are elevated by virtue of their perfect bodies, acting ability or talent for putting a ball through a net? Excepting Dr. Phil, you don't see a scientist getting that kind of attention. What gives?
Oh, that's right, I forgot. Money gives.
Yes, it's true, it all comes down to the money—comes down to it every time. Well, given the economy these days I can respect that, but you know what I can't respect? Celebrities who pretend it's about something other than the Benjamins. Celebrities are guilty of this all the time. Angelina Jolie and Sarah McLachlan, for instance, are repeat offenders:
It's an epidemic in Hollywood. What it really amounts to is a campaign by celebrities to make themselves feel better about driving their Ferraris to and from their mansions, and other such excesses. (On a side note, I have nothing but respect for the multitude of rappers who are very honest about what it is they're about.)
If that were not enough, celebrities even have the gall to interfere in politics, something already dutifully noted by The Chronicle. The result of all these maneuvers is to create the semblance of respectability to the average American. Well, I'm here to declare that I'm not fooled. I'm calling it like I see it, and I see irresponsible celebrities everywhere consuming the lives and energy of the many Americans following their every movement. I say enough is enough! The power of the celebrity derives from the attention we feed it. If you think the status of celebrities is bloated in this nation, then make like me and tune them out. Don't, however, do this.
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