For the majority of you who just stumbled upon this week’s entry, you most likely find yourself with no need to bathe in the sunlight of The Bright Side Blog. Tuesday was so extraordinarily wonderful that wars and economic crises seem trivial as you indulge in the warm afterglow of vindication. Not only did our once and future king, Barack Obama, become the president of the United States, but he brought his lovely wife, Nuestra Señora de Harvard Law, Michelle. Dayenu (linked for the convenience of you goyim out there).
And not only did Barack and Michelle enter the White House, but George left. Dayenu. And not only did George leave, but Dick Cheney no longer has any power derived from the Constitution (or at least the version he has). Dayenu! Now all we have to worry about from him is his Emperor from Star Wars powers that he received from Satan for his birthday in January of ‘95.
Tuesday was like 100 Christmases—or in my case, 1000 Chanukahs—rolled up into one day. But for some, it was not such a happy day. Melancholy neo-cons from the bayous of Louisiana to the plains of Kansas to other Godforsaken places across this great land carry a heavy heart.
What to do with the “America First” bumper stickers? How can you go about regaining the respect of your friends and colleagues after proclaiming your enthusiastic support of Sarah Palin? Who is going to stop those commies from desecrating the American flag? Scary times, my friends, scary times.
But don’t go make good on your threats to move to another country, like Canada or Texas, just yet. There is hope for change you can believe in. I know right now you want to tell me, “But Jordan, four years is too long to wait! And what if he wins again?”
No worries. You can have him out of office before he gets the chance to change the locks on the White House door.
During the past few months, a number of people have attempted to argue in court that Obama is not a natural born US citizen, and thus an Obama presidency would be unconstitutional. They have had no success.
But where they have failed, you, my young Republican, will succeed with the following argument: Obama is not the president.
He never took the Oath of Office. Listen carefully to this video of Justice John Roberts swearing in Barack Obama. Justice Roberts cunningly deceives Obama, tricking him into reciting an incorrect version of the Oath. Section 1 of Article II of the Constitution states that the President must recite the following before the president “enter on the Execution of his Office”: “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”
Roberts, solidifying his place as a conservative hero, got Obama to say the word “faithfully” after “President of the United States” rather than before the word “execute.”
Got ’em.
News flash: This just in, Obama has retaken the Oath. I got nothing… just jump on the bandwagon and embrace progress.
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