A lot has happened since I last half-smiled at you from this page. First, Obama gave an unprecedented inaugural shout-out to non-believers (atheists, not Republicans), a move that appears to foreshadow a religiously inclusive presidency. And at the same time it snowed and my classes got canceled. It was sometime between these two incidents that I realized my spiritual journey across campus needed to start close to home... but how?
A sign appeared suddenly, like a burning bush igniting my e-mail inbox: the weekly e-mail from the Freeman Center for Jewish Life. After almost four years of dodging these e-mails, and feeling the guilt of pressing delete (G-mail archive feature: a godsend?), a physical motion that seemed to propel me directly to bad Jew status, I scrolled through and really read it this time.
Informal classes on topics related to Judaism that met on campus during the day and weekly Shabbat services and dinner on Friday nights-it was surprisingly easy for me to find events to attend. Next thing you know, I'm sitting in von der Heyden at a table near the one crowded with people here for Rabbi Michael Goldman's mini-class on Theology and Grammar in the Prayerbook. I eavesdrop on the hour-long session (baby steps), watching this group of eight people, listening intently to Goldman and each other in the midst of the noisy lunchtime crowd.
Maybe I had never really looked around before and noticed what else goes around campus. In a place where you expect to overhear conversations about last weekend and which of two friends actually has more work, I heard instead insightful and public discussion about theology.
My adventure continued at the Freeman Center that Friday night, where I would attend my very first Shabbat service at Duke. I got there early for a town hall-style meeting, where students discussed the structure of the services over potato chips and soda.
Having no idea what the service actually entailed, I stayed silent, though I nodded in approval of the decision to eliminate the last few rows of chairs to push service-goers closer to the front. I went to the Conservative service, which is led entirely in Hebrew and entirely by students; to my surprise, it was well-attended by both students and members of the Durham community.
Though I stumbled through the Hebrew, I felt strangely comfortable during the hour-long service, and especially enjoyed the last part where we went around the room introducing ourselves and saying what the best part of our week had been. Answers ranged from Obama's inauguration to the Georgetown win-and suddenly it was my turn.
I said my name, admitted that I, too, was from Long Island, and suddenly told everyone that one of the best parts of my week was my first Shabbat service at the Freeman Center. As cheesy as it probably sounds, I think it was true, and it seemed like I had unwittingly just discovered some kind of support group.
I felt welcome here, and realized that deleting e-mails hadn't damned me for eternity, it had just kept me from knowing what went on here each week. I wasn't embarrassed to own up to being one of the many Jews on campus who only came around for the High Holidays and maybe Passover, because I understand now that it's OK to do that.
No one was asking me to change my life or the depth of my faith that Friday night. All that really happened was that people introduced themselves to me, talked to me and even pulled over a chair and made room for me at the dinner that followed. This weekly dinner, free and open to all Duke students, pulls a far larger crowd than the services do alone. And that's OK too.
Stephanie Butnick is a Trinity senior. Her column runs every other Wednesday.
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