An open letter to the Duke community

Dear Duke (and, by extension, America),

Yes we can… but we didn’t.

Did none of you read my column?!  I know it's a little late now, but I was just reflecting on the election again, and I am baffled. Two weeks ago, I wrote an inspired piece extolling the virtues of a tremendous candidate, a man of the people, and an agent of change. And what did I get? At most, a mere 13,942 of people in North Carolina voted for Ron Paul. I say “at most” because that number assumes that everyone who wrote in a candidate wrote in Dr. Paul (which I’m sure all of you did… except maybe that guy who wrote in “Ivana Tinkle”).

In short, on Nov. 4, when I should have been proud to be an American, I was disappointed to be a voter. You Dukies had the chance to do your part and help elect a Duke Med grad as the leader of the whole free world, and instead you chose some hip forty-something with a handsome face, two beautiful children and, according to Silvio Berlusconi, a sweet tan. For shame.

Well, I’ve got news for you. Paul has delivered more than 4,000 babies during his medical career. How can someone who has brought so much life into the world do anything but good in the White House? I bet you feel stupid now.

So what if he wasn't on the ballot?  That didn't stop FDR in 1932.  Write him in, people.  You're all literate (except you, engineers).

Well, we’ve lost our chance for now. Barring an unforeseen intern or misrepresented war I guess 2008 is the next best hope for Ron Paul’s candidacy. But, before I resign myself to this fact, did you know that Ron Paul has bumper stickers that read “The doctor will free you now”? Get it? Like “The doctor will see you now,” but with “free” instead. Genius. Pure genius.

The Chairman