As thousands of buoyant youths don their white sheets to wait for the great pumpkin and everyone else drinks while dressed up as Tina Fey Sarah Palin, the film world turns its eyes to horror. Nary a genre of film has yielded as many duds and as much success. And while torture porn might be the reigning king of the field right now, there was a time when a great slasher was all that mattered. While many feel that the slasher debate comes down to Kevin Bacon and Johnny Depp Jason and Freddy, their is an important third entity: Michael Meyers.
And of the franchise's nine entries (yes, Rob Zombie's "extreme vision of terror counts"), the winningest entry is undoubtedly 1982's Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Just as Jason is absent from the first Friday the 13th film, Haddonfield, Ill.'s primary terrorist takes a break from this volume. In fact, the result is the epitome of everything worth celebrating in the genre: lifeless acting, awful writing, lazy filmmaking - it runs the gamut. But the 1982 time period results in a few choice zingers about the war on drugs and demonstrates priceless special effects and a soundtrack straight from the Atari 2600.
Hitchcock could not have delivered a better plot. A divorced doctor seeks the truth behind a series of strange deaths. Whenever a child is wearing one of the Silver Shamrock-brand Halloween masks and sees the Silver Shamrock advertisement, his innards turn into bugs a la The Wrath of Khan. And who is behind this scheme? The business-savviest class of male witches ever to grace the silver screen.
And the writing?
Cochran (the villain): Enjoy the horror-thon, Doctor. And don't forget to watch the big give away afterwards.Dr. Challis (protagonist): Why, Cochran? Why?
Cochran: Do I need a reason? Mr. Kupfer was right, you know... I do love a good joke and this is the best ever, a joke on the children. But there's a better reason... you don't really know much about Halloween... you thought no further than the strange custom of having your children wear masks and go out begging for candy. It was the start of the year in our old Celtic lands, and we'd be waiting... in our houses of wattles and clay. The barriers would be down, you see, between the real and the unreal, and the dead might be looking in... to sit by our fires of turf. Halloween... the festival of Samhain! The last great one took place three thousand years ago, when the hills ran red... with the blood of animals and children.
Dr. Challis: Sacrifices.
Cochran: It was part of our world... our craft.Dr. Challis: Witchcraft.
Cochran: To us, it was a way of controlling our environment. It's not so different now... it's time again. In the end... we don't decide these things, you know... the planets do. They're in alignment, and it's time again. The world's going to change tonight, doctor, I'm glad you'll be able to watch it. And... happy Halloween.
Of course, this bit of dialogues suggests an imperialistic critique from leftist Hollywood on the Reagan administration, but let's not give the film too much credit. Devoid of any thrills, tension or redeeming qualities, Halloween III is a disaster in the best possible way. Were Halloween III to belong to any other genre, it would be unwatchable. In fact, the only horror of the movie is that it exists. But if you've got nothing better to do tonight than knock back candy corn shots, Halloween III makes the perfect drinking game. Happy Hallowe'en.
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