sandbox

Dear readers, share with us our joy: we at recess have just become privy to one of the great moments in literature's fabled history. As you certainly have heard, The Hills' Lauren Conrad has recently been signed to a three-book deal with publisher HarperCollins, and recess has obtained a manuscript of the first novel, tentatively titled "A Remembrance of Things Prada". We are proud-nay-, honored-to share with you this exclusive excerpt:

It was the best dressed of times; it was the worst dressed of times.

The rivalry between the Montagues Montags and the Capulets Conrads had reached a fevered pitch. I was truly miserable. It was summertime in fair Los Angeles, so it was too hot to even accessorize. I had to bid a farewell to Armani, not to mention headwear. Red hunting hats are so totally hot right now.

I couldn't wait to get away and just chillax at my Uncle Tom's beach house. I had just finished talking with my BFF when I had a total OMG moment: a 'WTF?' text message from my ex-boyfriend! Fortunately, it turned out to be MAAN (much ado about nothing). I was really looking forward to my date that night with my dreamy crush, Brodeo. Alas, it seemed like it would never be, as the loathsome Heidiago always seemed to intervene just when things were getting interesting. Ever since I cheated on him, I feel like I have been walking around wearing a giant, scarlet/magenta 'C'... for Chanel.

Brodeo and I are more star-crossed than the red carpet at the VMAs.

Even worse, I felt like I had a friggin' stalker. I was just getting flooded with calls from this one totes sketch dude, Humbert Humbert, and I had to completely block him from my Blackberry. To cap it off, I saw that Britney got trashed in the tabloids. So it goes.

Fortunately, I had a fabulous lunch with my friend, Lo, although the menu was a little obscure (How do you whip cheese?). I even got to use my new platinum American Express card! I absolutely adore that thing. Don't get me wrong; all credit cards are equal. But some credit cards are more equal than others.

I must admit, sometimes I worry that Lo might have an eating disorder. I heard her in the bathroom after lunch, and it sounded like The Great Gags-by in there. What's a girl to do? I totally just need a place to myself, like a room of my own. With a view.