Things you can't learn in class

Whenever you go out, you need 5 things: Your wallet (with ID, cash and condom), cell phone, keys, gum and ChapStick. Many people overlook the ChapStick, but let me assure you, there is nothing quite so shockingly unpleasant than to go in for that first kiss only to discover that her lips go: crackle crackle crackle.

Two of the notable exceptions to the generally unremarkable Duke administration team are Steve Nowicki, dean of undergraduate education, and Jim Wulforst, director of dining services. These two gentlemen have repeatedly demonstrated that they truly understand and care about the welfare of the students.

If I had to do it all again, there are three things I would keep the same: I would join a fraternity, I would join Army ROTC and I would fall in love with the same girl.

It's interesting that at a campus with such impressive entrance scores being geeky is still socially unacceptable. Being in a fraternity gives you an instant extended social circle. Most (but not all) will also introduce you to people you might not normally seek out on your own.

Army ROTC is one of the hidden treasures of Duke University. Not only can it help your GPA but it will give you the opportunity for real leadership training that you often can't get at Duke. And playing paintball in Eno isn't too bad either.

Love at Duke is dangerous but worth the risk. Duke social life is too small to have a clean break, which is why many people choose the hook-up culture as a pre-emptive defense against being confronted with a broken heart. However, that choice, which precludes the blossoming of a truly loving relationship, is a mistake. Falling in love was the best part of my Duke experience.

For a long-term relationship or multiple short-term ones, a queen-size bed is a must.

I came to this university eager for Truth and Justice and am leaving entirely uninterested in either. I realized that many people, including myself, were all pursuing proxy goals, secondary goals that we mistakenly thought would lead us to what we truly wanted. Given my overly intellectual inclination, I thought Truth and Justice would lead me to Happiness. Whoops. There's a reason that intelligence has a negative correlation with happiness.

I applied Early Decision to Duke because it was the only school to pass my two criteria: having a top-10 ranking and being below the Mason-Dixon Line. I stand by my decision (that one always gets a chuckle in an interview).

Study abroad-that I didn't is my biggest regret about Duke.

Don't use LimeWire. It's very easy for large associations representing the recording industry and rapacious lawyers to collect evidence that you're "sharing" files. And when you get caught, President Brodhead and Larry Moneta will not have your back. Although I must thank them-their abandonment of students inspired me to get this column.

Take road trips. Even places that might seem boring can be a blast if you're with a friend and armed with the knowledge that you likely won't face any lasting consequences.

Be wary of that girl by the keg-date rape does happen to men.

Complete your graduation requirements.

Be careful what you say about Tibet. Apparently, Duke enjoys a large and rabidly nationalist Chinese population lacking respect for freedom of speech.

Stand up for causes you believe in, unless it's a weekend night. Then you should go out.

Have fun. Later in life people will give you a free pass on past outrageous behavior if you simply tell them, "It was college."

Adam Zell is a Trinity senior. This is his final column.