ASA official decries 'yellow journalism'

Comrades and Caucasians: As a high-standing official of Duke's Asian Students Association, I was deeply disappointed to read the vicious lies as published by the radical left-wing "Chomicle" this April Fool's. I can assure you that these claims are false and baseless, and any attempts to raise racial and ideological stereotypes on campus will be doomed to failure.

First let me strongly condemn the use of the word "invades" in the headline of such yellow journalism-absolutely no pun intended. Asians have as strong a claim to Duke that goes back 5,000 years-or at least as long as the not-so-ancient greeks. What's that I see? A railroad between East (Campus) and West? But I digress....

We would like to thank Comrade Gu Ten Ta Ge for his unwavering support. And a word of advice for Chairman Dick: if you must rise, rise peacefully!

Sincerely, ASA's Titillating Titular Head of Political Affairs.

P.S. On a more serious note, this hasn't been the first time The Chronicle has engaged in unconstructive stereotyping of the Asian community at Duke. Although having an Asian fetish at Duke is not uncommon, and while ASA appreciates a good April Fool's joke, perhaps humor might be used more effectively to satirize some of the pertinent problems we face on campus, rather than retreading old jokes and stereotypes. There were bats on Central for crying out loud.

Bats.

Maybe you should open your eyes a little-or are they open? We can't tell.

Muyan Jin