With just a few days until we all take a break from Duke, I thought I'd share the things I'll be most happy to leave for a week.
After four years on campus, I have developed a laundry list of minor annoyances. Some of my complaints are trivial, some have no solution and some are just plain silly. I could not devote an entire column to any individual complaint, so here they are, presented together all at once. Hopefully, you can agree or at least empathize with these sentiments.
Puddles: Yes. I'm being serious. In light of the drought, we are all heartened by the recent downpours; however, in even the slightest rain our campus becomes non-traversable. How is it that with all of our engineering prowess, we have been unable to match Roman accomplishments in terms of building drainage canals or crowned pathways on campus?
Stonewalling administration: I cannot get anyone to go on the record and confirm the "rumors" that our three maligned lacrosse players each received a seven-figure payout. The kicker, of course, is that the bill was picked up by Trustees and not the University itself-at least according to the rumors.
Driving to Brodie Gym: As an off-campus senior, I frequently drive to Brodie to work out. Unfortunately, the entrance into the Brodie lot from Markham Avenue has not been repaved in what seems like 20 years. It is steep, uneven and causes me to scratch the underside of my car nine times out of 10. This shouldn't be too hard to fix.
Uppity squirrels: Our favorite rodents with bushy tails are challenging the natural order of the universe, the food chain and God's plan. How have we gotten to the point where squirrels feel safe enough to ask for a handout while I am enjoying my lunch at The Loop?
Smelly people: In general this is annoying, but it's particularly bad on the bus. There is nothing worse than a horde of tardy students pressing you into the noxious aura of someone who hasn't showered in a week and shaved in a month. The drought is not a legitimate excuse for not showering.
Callous administration policies on student safety: Although this topic might merit an entire column, I know this has already been talked about repeatedly. I'll keep my complaint short: Why is it that our administration was more than willing to buy houses off East Campus for the explicit purpose of preventing students from partying close to East while taking little action when its students have been robbed and assaulted at our new, farther off-campus locations? Why not buy up some of the more dangerous properties off-East and re-designate it for solely student use? This would be a policy that actually has the students' best interest in mind.
Cheeky shenanigans: There needs to be more of them! I'm not sure if this is a function of my living off-campus this year, but I have not been impressed with this year's pledge classes. Normally, I am readily entertained by some fraternity's pledges instigating hijinks for the amusement of both brothers and the general public alike. I feel that this has unfortunately decreased.
Alpine Atrium closing early: If a restaurant is open until midnight, it is supposed to be serving food until midnight. Currently, Alpine Atrium employees begin removing food options as early as 11:30 to hasten their exit. Frequently, the only food still being served near midnight is frozen yogurt, which I suppose is easy to clean up for the night. Someone should be able to get a sandwich at 11:50.
Self-congratulatory causes: There is nothing sillier than watching people get so proud of themselves for supposedly supporting causes such as civil rights by wearing little ribbons around Duke. I agree that in some contexts, identifying yourself with a cause is laudable; however, claiming to advance causes such as civil rights by wearing a trendy accessory at a location where the vast majority of the population already agrees with you is not noteworthy. If you were to openly identify yourself as a supporter of women's rights or gay rights in a location like Saudi Arabia, now that would be a different story. But at Duke? Come on.
Angry anonymous online posters: If you have something mean to say about a Chronicle article or column, and you decide to post a comment online, at least have the cojones to name yourself. Otherwise, it diminishes the strength of your potentially valid argument. That, and it makes it harder for me to track you down.
Adam Zell is a Trinity senior. His column runs every other Wednesday.
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