Love in the time of consumerism

We know you're constrained by that Y chromosome-your mom picked out and wrapped "your" gifts to your high school girlfriend, didn't she? Welcome to your twenties: Lest your date take the Shooter's party bus home with someone else Feb. 14, it's time to shop. Molly McGarrett rates the conventional picks.

You go, Glenn Coco! Nothing screams "I'm loved!" like carrying around a big bouquet of roses on Valentine's Day. What this old standard lacks in creativity, it makes up for in the ooh-ahhing friends factor. What's more, those post-rush Champagne & Shackles refuge bottles make some pretty classy vases.

Roses are red, violets are blue, flowers are trite, but they'll usually do.

On a campus where a girl is more likely to find a feral cat than a date, a romantic dinner for two might be the perfect gift. Whether you're a whiz in the kitchen or can simply master a MasterCard, any girl will appreciate a meal that doesn't begin with that age-old question, "Food or FLEX?" Should the fare be foreign or four-star, there is a definite possibility of foreplay if there is plenty of door-opening, coat-taking and chair-pulling on the side.

Yes, George's, Parizade and Vin Rouge do open before 11 p.m.

Victoria's secret is out: Lingerie trumps the rest as the sexiest of Valentine's Day gifts. Tell her "I lust you" with lacy underthings and padded pushups. But watch out guys, teddys send a very different message than teddy bears. On the upside, a positive reaction could mean a very happy holiday for you.

You know every guy she dates after you is also going to be receiving that present, too.

7th grade called, it wants its Valentine's Day present back. Susie Middle School might have swoon ed as "I Want it That Way" played on her Walk-Man, but now mix CDs are about as outdated as that Savage Garden poster she used to hang. These days, you might as well break into her room and rearrange her iTunes, or better yet, email her a gift certificate so she can get some music she actually likes.