Quality of parental units declining

Details Magazine recently published its list of the 50 most powerful men under 45. I know you all know about it-it was front page stuff.

I would bet you think the only significance that list has for you as a Duke student is the fact that Andrew Giuliani, a junior, was listed at number 19 and former lacrosse players Reade Seligmann, Colin Finnerty and David Evans were placed at number 36.

Well, I'm here to say that there is another reason this list needs to be examined. While it is undoubtedly cool of Details to highlight the general awesomeness of Duke to the world, the magazine is also trying to tell us who the best fathers in America are-all on the same list.

Coming in at lucky number seven are Kevin Federline and Larry Birkhead.

That's right. K-Fed and Birkhead were successfully named "Fathers of the Year," by presumably snatching top honors away from other qualified candidates such as Michaels Jackson and Lohan-which is surprising, considering the great career advice he gave Lindsay.

Let's review the facts. With K-Fed, you've got Britney-I don't believe further explanation is necessary there-and with Larry Birkhead there is the whole Anna Nicole-thing and the paternity confusion following her death in regards to Dannielynn.

Larry Birkhead has faded from the public eye, but Kevin Federline, by virtue of Britney's unrelenting erratic behavior, has enjoyed continued good publicity ever since he was awarded custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James.

He has, at any rate, benefited more from Britney's meltdown than, say, his rap album, and Details is proof. The justice system being what it is, there was never any question whether Britney deserved custody of her children as the mother. It is only since she went A.W.O.L. from the land of reason that K-Fed's profile has risen.