According to the Greeks, Icarus took to the skies with his feather and wax wings to help his father escape from the Labyrinth.
David Walters, Trinity '04, took to the skies with more modest goals: to interview a dozen of the most beautiful women on Earth as they flew from New York to Los Angeles; to live the dream of red-blooded American men across the country; to report back.
Unfortunately, both men got painful reminders of their status as mere mortals. Walters stammered, his tape recorder died and he found himself missing the comfort and familiarity of JetBlue. Better than plunging into the ocean.
What do you ask a man whose job description includes spending quality time with Victoria's Secret models at cruising altitude?
The first question that comes to mind is if anything else he gets assigned will ever top that.
The second is whether his girlfriend gets concerned about what he does in a hard day's work.
Walters is an assistant editor at Esquire-the classier-than-your-average-lad-mag publication that is known as much for its tradition of publishing great writing (Capote! Wolfe! Klosterman!) as it is for photos of lingerie-clad female starlets (Angelina! Scarlett! Britney before the fall!).
But don't confuse a desirable job with an easy one.
The gig isn't just about picking Jessica Biel up in a limo or going to parties hosted by Bill Murray. Walters has the often tricky job of editing celebrity-submitted monthly features like "Funny* Joke From A Beautiful Woman" or "10 Things You Don't Know About Women," walking the tightrope between making the piece readable and soothing fragile celebrity egos.
Walters' interest in getting close to the stars was built from hours of watching late-night talk shows as a kid and dreaming that he'd be behind the desk one day. Even so, he arrived in Durham listed as a pre-med student in Duke's freshman facebook-something for which his friends still taunt him. But earning a C in introductory biology paved the way for a different path, and after a one-year stint as a guidance counselor in South Carolina he moved to New York City to pursue writing.
His first job in the city was selling ads for a free humor magazine (which folded) and then an internship at FHM (which folded). He landed an internship at Esquire in the spring of 2005 before being hired to work full-time. In an echo of the journalism stunts he pulled as editor of Recess, The Chronicle's arts and entertainment section, his editors at Esquire have sent him not only to fly the very friendly skies, but also down a man-made whitewater rafting course and recently into the hands of a very reluctant septuagenarian interview subject.
Luckily, they're also giving him a second shot with the Angels.
And this time, everyone will have their feet firmly planted on the ground.
What I've Learned
I think Esquire started giving the celebrity interviews to me because I would talk to a wall and sort of be happy with it.
On interviewing female celebs for Esquire's feature "10 Things You Don't Know About Women": A lot of them fancy themselves to be really funny. "Size does matter!" We're like "Yeah, we've heard that one." It takes a lot of coddling. "You're really special, but we're going to do something different."
Two weeks into the job I got to pick Jessica Biel up in a limo, I was like "Man, this is the best job ever," but then I got in the plane with Victoria's Secret models and that was just nutty.
I think my girlfriend is more worried when every now and then I'll do a meet and greet with a young actress who was on a TGIF show. I'm just that nerdy. Anybody from The Cosby Show or Step by Step, I'm just freaking out for.
On trick-or-treating: I just ran into Duane Reade and picked up $15 worth of the first things I could find. The kids are getting Nicorette patches and beef jerky this year.
I was at this party last night and it was a Halloween party, but it was masquerade theme. Everyone was in suits and the women were in cocktail dresses, and they were handing out masks at the door. Then there was one 300-lb. man in a Nacho Libre costume. If you misinterpreted the invite that badly, wouldn't you just go home?
Oct. 31, when you're on the New York subway system, you're always playing "Festive or Crazy?"
You know why not? Why wouldn't we run an issue on the most moderately attractive woman in Sheboygan, WI?
I had this interview with Shirley MacLaine and she was so mean to me. It was awful. She was not having any part of my questions-she was like "Oh my God, are we done?" My editors wanted me to put the audio of the interview on the website because I was just stammering and nearly crying. You really haven't lived until an 80-year-old woman has just torn you down.
On Esquire: It's not as laddy as FHM where there were Frisbees being thrown around and we were listening to rap music. I was like this can't be what a magazine is like. And it's not.
I'm the worst person to watch TV with now. I'm like, "That guy's really nice." And my friends are like "Shut up, asshole." If I really blow an interview I can't stand to watch the show for two weeks.
On writing for The Chronicle: I got an imaginary girlfriend once. I dressed in drag and went to a drag race, where guys dressed as women run down East Campus. My editors are sure that one day I'm going to kill myself either kayaking or wearing a strange piece of clothing.
I like think I put the kiss of death on everyone. It was beyond lucky for me to kind of sneak in the back door at Esquire.
I have no idea if maybe soon or a long time away I might do something else. It's just tough to contemplate moving to a magazine that you don't respect as much.
On the Victoria's Secret models: I'm interviewing them all again. I'm hoping it'll just be me hanging out in a sweater and them all in lingerie. I'm just going to go to the photo shoot and talk to them about bras and other things that are very near and dear to my heart.
On chatting up famous women for Esquire's "Funny Joke From a Beautiful Woman": I hate it when they don't have their joke.
TOWERVIEW does not guarantee that you will find this joke funny. And while we're at it, TV would also like to send its most sincere apologies to Esquire's design team for this crappy knockoff of their spread.
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